Happily Ever After
by DuchessRaven
Summary: Oneshot sequels to The Way to Raise an Heir focused on Alucard and Integra's life after finding freedom. Mostly romance and fun. Next stop: Hogwarts
1. Hawaii

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a series of one-shot sequels to The Way to an Heir and The Way to Raise an Heir. Some people expressed interest in stories focusing on Alucard and Integra's "happily ever after", so I'm writing some short stories about their travels around the globe after they both earned their freedom. If you haven't read those two stories I mentioned, I recommend reading them first, but the general gist is, they finally got together and had a daughter after much hardships, and she has taken over Hellsing, leaving Alucard and Integra to peruse their own happiness. Integra had accepted Alucard's offer and became a vampire. This is set a few years after The Way to Raise an Heir. If you are a fan of the two prequels, I hope you like these little shorts as well.

Enjoy and Review!

HAWAII

Orange sunlight painted the Maui beaches. The day was just ending as Integra took her stroll barefoot on the sand.

The view was nothing short of marvelous – the setting sun against the deep violet sky, thin tendrils of clouds chasing each other, and the silhouettes of the palm trees swayed in the gentle breeze. The air smelled of the sea, the jungles, and romance. The waters were beginning to take on a dark shadowy blue shroud as the sun slid behind the horizon.

It was their third week in Hawaii. She hadn't planned on staying this long, but it was awfully hard to tear herself away from the beautiful islands after all those years of pacing between haunted nights and that stuffy office. She had forgotten how much she loved the outdoors, the warm air and open sky, and the feeling of wind caressing her skin. She loved being outside, walking on the beach with her sand between her toes. Although Alucard had said it would take another couple of years before her sensitivity to sunlight start to fade, the setting sun only irritated her a little. Night was falling. Soon the moon will rise.

Integra stood at the edge of the sea and let the tide wash over her feet. Maui certainly agreed with her.

The less could be said for Alucard, however, who had elected to stay in the bungalow they rented on this particular fine night. Over the last two and a half weeks he had only ventured onto the beach three times, and absolutely refused to step outside in a bathing suit, or even purchase one, claiming they were ridiculous looking and even more ridiculous to wear, though Integra suspected it was because he didn't want to place his pasty chest above a pair of banana-yellow shorts. After much argument, she failed to convince him at the store. He had refused to even though on a single one, but was not the least bit hesitant to pick up the skimpiest string bikini in the place for her. After much more argument, she agreed to buy a much more conservative blue two-piece, which she was currently sporting.

She sat down on the sand, which was held the remainder of the day's heat in them. Running her fingers through it, she considered building a sand castle, one of the many privileges denied her as a child. But the warm air was making her sluggish, so she laid on her back instead and closed her eyes.

As for the young man, she had sensed his presence without even opening her eyes. Alucard would've been proud.

He was about twenty-five, with a tan that was either the result of a lifetime of hitting on women laying on the beach or fake. Integra wrinkled her nose as his shadow fell over her. He was wearing cologne that reminded her of Conningwell.

"Hey there, babe," he said. She kept her eyes closed.

"Sorry to disappoint you," she said, raising her left hand. "I'm married."

There was a sifting sound. He had squatted down next to her. "That's alright," he said. "I'm not picky."

_I'm sure_, she thought. "But I am," she replied, turning her head away from him. "You're too young for me."

"What makes you think that?"

"I'm forty."

Judging by his silence, he was surprised. "No sweat," he said after a moment. "I happen to like older women. And from the looks of you, you got a body that just won't quit."

She had to open her eyes in order to roll them. Facing him, she saw that he looked exactly how she pictured – tanned, well-muscled, with sun-bleached blond hair, and a smile that probably cost many under-aged girls their virginity. "You have no idea," she said flatly.

The dense boy grinned, taking it as a flirtatious comment. "I'm Edward," he said. "So how about I buy you a drink and you can show it to me after?"

Integra sighed. Half way around the world and the men don't change a bit. Maybe she should have held out for a more conservative suit after all. "Look," she said, "I don't think that's a good idea. My husband's the jealous type."

The grin widened. Yep, definitely like Conningwell.

"What's he gonna do, babe? Beat me down?"

_Actually, more like pull your lungs out through your nose,_ Integra thought. In fact, Alucard had demonstrated that particular technique last month, after she had teased him repeatedly one day about how such a thing could've be done. A class-D vampire with especially bad luck had picked that night to make a vulgar remark at her on their hunt. Although Alucard had done a relatively clean job for such a thing, and she had seen more than her fair share of violence and gore, Integra found herself lacking an appetite for the next four or five days.

"More likely," she said in the end. There was no need to scar the boy unnecessarily, no matter how slimy a thing he was.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Edward reached out to stroke her arm.

Instead of flinching away, an idea struck her. She allowed him to touch her as she sat up and tossed her long hair over her shoulders. "Alright," she said. "Follow me."

oOo

When she walked into the bungalow, Alucard was on the phone. He looked up as she entered.

"Back already?" he asked. Then, spotting the dazed-looking man behind her, "oh. I'll take care of it. Want to talk to Annie?"

"Sure." Integra made a come-hither gesture to the young man. "Sit." Like a puppet, Edward plopped down on the nearest bed, his eyes glassy. She took the receiver.

"You're getting better," he told her, kissing her cheek. "While you're at it, tell Annie that pet she keeps around is hideous, and that if she gets rid of it, I'll buy her a puppy."

"I heard that, Dad!" came Annie's voice from the receiver. Integra smiled and brought it to her ear.

"How are you, dear?"

"I'm fine, Mom." There was an exasperated sigh. "I wish Dad would lay off Seth. He's doing great here."

"I know. Your father is set in his ways." Integra tossed a glance at Alucard as he disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared a minute later with a small blade. "You know what they say about old dogs."

As Annie carried on about her day, the Convention, her semi-but-not-quite-because-duty-comes-first boyfriend, and Walter's constant nagging that she's over twenty, running one of the most powerful organizations on the continent, and still can't pick up her socks, Integra watched Alucard lure Edward into a deeper hypnosis. He handed the boy the blade. Edward turned his left palm upward and made a careful slit. Fresh blood oozed out of the wound. Alucard filled two glasses, then took the blade and sent the boy on his way. The poor thing would probably spent an hour or so wandering the beach in a daze, only to come to his senses and unable to remember how he had hurt his hand. Integra said goodbye to her daughter.

He handed her one of the glasses and kissed her lovingly on the lips. Then they both took a sip, tasted the blood, and winced.

"Smokers always leave an aftertaste," Integra said, taking another small sip.

Alucard shrugged. "Can't be helped. We'll find something better later." He slipped an arm around her waist. "You're getting better at the hypnosis. The last guy you tried to bring back didn't even make it half way."

"This one was more willing. That helped." She put one finger on his chin and lifted. "Also, my eyes are up here."

He nuzzled her neck. "I thought I had an excuse now that we are no longer master and servant."

"You do." She went to the bed and laid down. "But not when I'm talking. However, I could stop talking for a bit."

She giggled as he wrapped himself around her. A few years ago she would never have imagined herself giggling, or even letting out a light laugh. Nowadays it felt… natural. In fact, it felt good.

"Where to next?" he asked.

"We're not staying until the end of the week?"

He groaned. "I'm sick of this place. It's too much sun for me."

"You're just embarrassed because you can't tan." She kissed him. "Just three more days. I promise."

He sighed in resignation. "I suppose," he said, undoing her suit. "So, would you like me to call you 'master'?"


	2. Hollywood

AUTHOR'S NOTE: first, thanks for all the reviews. I hadn't expected so many :-) Second, to answer a question, no, I am not officially coming back from my break, this is my only project and I'm only doing it because it's entertaining me for the moment. There are some crazy stuff coming up, including crossovers, wild references, etc etc. There's good stuff coming. Just be patient. I promise this will be fun.

This particular one is two parts since they're both so short, and they both hit me unexpectedly so I put them down because they're funny. I think Alucard and Integra may return to Hollywood at some point in the future. After all, it's such an interesting place.

Also, I'm moving and will be without internet for a few days. Next update won't be until after January 3rd. But I'll make up for it with an extra long chapter.

Enjoy & keep leaving those reviews!

HOLLYWOOD PT. 1

The hottest club in Hollywood was jumping. Music thumped through the windows, lights drowning the dancers in a rainbow of colors. It was Saturday night and Vamp was the place to be.

Integra gazed up at the sign and sighed. "How ironic."

"The name or the fact that they won't let us in?"

"Both, I guess."

A young couple squeezed by them, the girl sporting a skirt that was little more than two inches of neon-reflecting fabric. She giggled at the bouncer, who immediately ushered her and her boyfriend inside. Alucard turned to Integra.

"We could get in, too, if you did that."

"Not likely." Integra ran a hand through her mane and glared at a couple of teenagers making eyes at her cleavage. No one ever dared to make such passes when she was twenty-three and running Hellsing with an iron fist. Sometimes she wondered whether this youthful vampiric body was worth it. Then again, perhaps it was because she no longer wore men's suits. Cashmere sweaters and black jeans must make a huge difference. She nudged Alucard. "Can't you put him under your spell? I thought that's what you were good at."

"I could," Alucard replied, looking around. "But it's not a good idea with this many people around. We should've draw attention to ourselves."

"So what should we do?"

For a moment Alucard was silent, then a look crept to his eyes that made Integra just a tad nervous. "I have an idea," he said, and pulled her into a nearby boutique before she could protest.

oOo

"Are you sure about this?"

"Trust me."

Integra looked at herself in the dressing room mirror. "Something tells me this is just so you could convince me to wear this outfit."

There was a chuckle from outside the curtains. "And if it is?"

"Then I'll beat your head in with these heels." She picked up one of the stiletto shoes. "Why didn't we ever use these to fight vampires? They're even pre-sharpened."

"Just put them on and come out." She struggled into the shoes, wobbled, and held herself up against the wall. Carefully, as gracefully as she could, Integra emerged from the dressing room. Alucard grinned.

"Perfect," he said. "But your hair is a bit long. Wear it up. No one will be able to tell."

"I'm not sure about this."

"You want to get into the club or not?" Integra hesitated, then nodded with a hint of regret as Alucard began his own transformation. "All you have to do is play the part."

oOo

The bouncer of Club Vamp was going about his usual business when a tall, busty blond approached. She was stunning, her body wrapped in a cotton candy-colored spaghetti-strap mini-dress and gliding on air in her hot pink heels. Seeing him, she winked and lifted her jewel-studded white leather purse. Inside was a strange-looking black Chihuahua.

As quickly as he could, the bouncer leapt to the doorway and shoved all other club goers out of the way. The blond sashayed inside, blowing kisses to the on-lookers, who were all busy pulling out cameras, waving, or just staring in shock.

"Miss Hilton!" said the bouncer in an excited voice. "Welcome!"

The blond seemed to hesitate for a moment.

_Remember your lines._

She smiled. "Thank, doll," she said.

"We've got a special table for you."

She bit her lip. The dog extended his head and nuzzled her arm. "That's hot," she said.

As she walked deeper into the club, the bouncer thought he heard the unusually posh-looking heiress say to her dog, "I hate you so much."

oOo

HOLLYWOOD PT. 2

"Let me get this straight."

"O.K."

"You want to sneak in?"

"Yes."

"Just to see?"

"Yes."

"Is it that big a deal?"

"I just want to do this."

"I can't believe you."

"Why?"

"I just never pegged you… to be…"

"People can surprise you."

"But you…"

"Just wait here. I won't be long."

Integra threw up her hands. "Fine," she said as Alucard transformed his clothing. "Go. You have twenty minutes."

"Thirty."

"Twenty-five."

"Done." He kissed her cheek. "I'll be right back."

She studied him up and down. "You know, I never pegged you to be such a big Harry Potter fan."

Alucard straightened his stagehand's uniform. "Who care about him? It's the Death Eaters I like." She gaped at him. "What? We can't come all this way and not sneak a peek at the set for the next movie, can we?"


	3. Los Angeles

AUTHOR'S NOTE: does everyone hate me for that last chapter? I'm sure someone does. I couldn't help it. This one is different. If you are unfamiliar with Pet Shop of Horrors, Count D runs a pet shop that sells mysterious animals and seems to grant wishes. He's got a funky heritage that I think is very likely to have crossed paths with Alucard at some point. I know I've written this crossover before. They're not related.

Enjoy & Review! The next chapter will take a little while. I have some nutty things planned.

LOS ANGELES

"It was a good idea to come here." Integra leaned closer to pick through a basket of delicate trinkets as the seventy-year-old shopkeeper smoked a tobacco pipe and tried hard to appear as if he was not undressing her with his wrinkly eyes. "But it's a pity most of the shops aren't open this late."

Alucard nodded in agreement as he let his own eyes trail her back. She looked stunning as usual in the knee-length Chinese dress. It was an explosive red, with gold trim and a pattern of black roses, flowing over her form like a weave of spilt blood. Too bad he couldn't convince her to buy the one that ended right under the curve of her hips.

Turning to him, Integra held up two small jade charms. "Which one should I get?"

He gaped at her. "Aren't they the same?"

She jingled one. "This one has more white. The other one has more green."

"They look the same to me." His eyes wandered to the streets. Night had fallen over Chinatown, and the streets were nearly empty. The shop they were standing in was one of the last ones open, although he doubted the old shopkeeper would mind staying up all night if Integra couldn't make up her mind.

Dropping the trinkets back into the basket, Integra went to her husband and laid one hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong? You've been distracted since we got here. Is something the matter?"

Alucard caressed her hand. "Nothing." He turned to the shopkeeper. "Hey, old man." The man looked up, still puffing on his pipe. "Which way's the pet shop?"

The old man removed the pipe from his lips as Integra regarded him in surprise. "Pet shop?" she asked.

"Ya mean Count D's place?" asked the shopkeeper.

Alucard arced a brow. "He's still going by that name?"

"Last I heard of." The old man puffed on his pipe again. "He's right down the street. Go toward Main and stick to the left side. Ya can't miss it."

Alucard nodded thanks and took Integra's hand. "Come, dear," he said. "This will be most interesting."

Very confused, Integra opened her mouth to ask, but decided against it when a certain mischievous look came over Alucard's face. "Wait a minute," she said, and reached into the basket again to pull out the charm bearing more white than green. "I'll take this one."

oOo

From the outside, the pet shop certainly didn't look like much. In fact, the whole block was rather downtrodden and worn. The door was clean at least, but old. As Alucard raised his hand to knock, Integra stood a few feet away and looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"A pet store, Alucard?" she asked. "What are we doing here?"

"I want you to meet a friend of mine." Alucard was knocking again, not having received an answer the first time. He turned to see the surprise on Integra's face. "What? I have friends."

"Friends who are still alive? And sane?"

"With this guy, you never know." There was a rustle from inside. "Open up, D! I know you're in there!"

"D?"

A silhouette appeared behind the glass adorning the double doors, followed by a voice, firm yet gentle and feminine. Integra couldn't tell whether it was a man or a woman. "We're closed for the day," it said. "Please come back tomorrow."

She reached for Alucard's sleeve. "Come, let's not bother them."

He ignored her, which was quite rare and surprising. "Open the door," he repeated. "I don't think you want to turn me away. We've got a score to settle."

"Alucard!"

The door opened a silver and a pair of dark eyes peeked out. "Look, sir, I told you…" The sentence drifted off. Suddenly, the door swung open, revealing the most beautiful man Integra had ever seen. He was slim, with long, perfectly manicured fingers. He was wearing a Chinese gown bearing a dragon, so lively it seemed that it could fly off at any moment. Onyx eyes fixed on Alucard. "Oh, my," he said.

Alucard smirked. "Told you."

Then the man bowed, a deep, respectful bow. "Please forgive my rudeness," he said, stepping aside. "Welcome to my humble shop, Count."

oOo

Compared to its exterior, the pet shop's interior was like a palace.

Sitting on the cloud-soft blue couch, Integra felt mesmerized by the beauty surrounding her. The exotic drapery, the antique furniture, the carvings and statues. The man called D drifted amongst it all like a spirit, graceful and delicate, as he prepared tea for his guests. The entire place smelled of incense, tea leaves, and warm sugar.

Alucard sat next to her as D served them tea. Looking at the cup, Integra hesitated. But Alucard took his and sipped, so she did the same.

The taste was overwhelmingly delicious. She couldn't hide her shock.

"Surprised?" D asked with a smile. He had a thin, gentle smile. It had taken Integra a while to convince herself that he was indeed a man. But if Alucard had told her at that moment that D was a woman, she wouldn't be surprised one bit. "It's tea leaves treated with the blood of a very rare species. I don't think it is in existence any more."

Alucard sneered. "That must mean you have at least a dozen in your shop."

D kept on smiling, his eyes betraying nothing. Integra looked up at him. "You know we are vampires?" she asked.

D nodded. "Of course. My family has had the pleasure of Count Dracula's company in the past."

"It's Alucard now," Alucard cut in. "And speaking of which, where is the Count?"

For a moment Integra was confused by the question, but D chuckled. "My," he said, "what sharp eyes you have. You are one of the very few who do not confuse me with my grandfather." He winked at Integra's bewildered expression. "Perhaps I should explain. My grandfather, Count D here, was once an acquaintance of, Alucard, was it? That was some time ago. Since then he has been traveling the world, leaving his pet shop to my charge." Tilting his head slightly, D looked Integra up and down. She felt for a moment that invisible fingers were prodding her, not invasively, but searching, looking for her soul, her heart, her weak spot. She looked away and tried not to fidget. It was very rare for someone to put her at a state of unease.

"I'm sorry," said D. "I have been rude again. Might I inquire the lady's name?"

As if able to tell she was nervous, Alucard laid a hand over hers. "Integra," he told D. "This is Lady Integra Hellsing. My wife."

There was a spark of surprise that was quickly masked. "Hellsing? Not Abraham Van Helsing?"

"The very same."

"My goodness," gasped D, looking at them both carefully. "What a pair you are."

"Indeed."

D stood. He motioned for Integra to do the same. Alucard nudged her shoulder and she stood. D gestured to a hall at the opposite end of the room. She hadn't even noticed the door before. It was at that moment that she realized there were no animals in the pet shop.

"Does the lady like animals?"

The smell of incense of overwhelming her senses. D's voice sounded like it was coming from very far away. Integra felt herself nod. D pointed at the dark hall.

"There are many rare species in this shop. Seeing them is rare treat for the eye. Would Lady Hellsing like to venture forth?"

She nodded again, her eyes fixated on the hall. Her feet moved of their own will as the dark door way swallowed her. D returned to the couch.

"Now then," he said to Alucard. "Shall we settle your wager with my grandfather?"

oOo

The scent of incense was even heavier in the hall. Integra walked slowly, one step at a time. The shop was much bigger than it looked.

Lining the hall were doors, one after another. She was reminded of Hellsing's dungeons, where she first discovered Alucard. Selecting a door at random, she opened it. Inside was a jungle. Two people dressed in what appeared to be tiger skin looked up at her and waved. Their eyes were that of cats. The next door held a boy, splashing in a pool with a pair of flippers melded to his feet. The next a gaggle of girls grooming each other, completely ignoring her when she entered.

_Where are the animals?_

As last she came to a door. She touched the knob. It was very cold. Gripping it tightly, she opened it.

And was back in the living room.

There was Alucard, and D, sitting across from each other. Integra opened her mouth to call to them, but something stopped her. Something wasn't quite right. For one thing, their clothing had changed.

D rose. In his hands were a bejeweled box. He held it out to Alucard. "You see, Count," he was saying.

Alucard shrugged. "What is it that you're trying to say?" he asked.

D smiled. That smile… but his voice was different. Ever so slightly. "That woman you long for, Count," he replied, "she is not worthy, at least not worthy of this journey you are prepared to make for her."

"That is for me to judge, is it not?"

"Of course." Reaching into the box, the D-look-alike removed a gold ring. Sitting atop the band was a tarnished round jewel. "Do you know what this is, Count?"

"Do I care?" It was definitely Alucard.

"This is called Dragon's Eye. It is said that long ago a poor man beseeched a dragon for one of his eyes so he could make a living for himself. The dragon agreed and gave the man one of his eyes. The eye made the man so rich and famous that greed took over. He went back to the dragon and demanded the other eye. The dragon devoured him, but his lost eye was thereafter passed from hand to hand. Much blood was shed over the dragon's eye. It was a powerful thing. In addition to being the only one of its kind, thus making it boundless in value, it also has the ability to identify purity, strength, among many other things within a person. It is a mirror to a person's soul."

"Why are you telling me this?"

D

No.

Integra shook herself.

_This is D's grandfather_.

Slender fingers turned the ring. "Are you aware that Miss Mina is a frequent visitor to this shop?"

"No."

"She comes often. And once she has tried on this ring." He handed the ring to Alucard, then Count Dracula of Transylvania. "The Dragon's Eye has become tarnished since. But that is not to say she is a bad woman." He sat back as Alucard studied the dirty ring. "In fact, she is a very good woman, beautiful and smart and courageous. It merely mean that the Dragon's Eye sees her as unworthy, as many good people are. It is a finicky little thing."

Count Dracula tossed the ring back into its box. "You're saying that ring is the real thing?"

"That I am."

"And that it deems Mina unworthy?"

"At least unworthy of this journey."

"Do you question my judgment so, Count D?"

_Count D?_

D's grandfather leaned forward and took the box in his hands again. "How about a wager then?" he said deviously. "Your judgment against the ring's."

Dracula seemed more than interested. "How?"

"Make your journey, as you are planning to do anyway. The next time you frequent my shop, bring your woman, be it Miss Harker or anyone else you deem worthy. If the ring deems her unworthy, you will submit yourself to become a resident in my shop."

Dracula chuckled. "You're serious."

"Do you know how difficult it is to come across a nosferatu?"

"Very well. What if the ring deems her worthy?"

Count D brandished the ring box. "Then this ring will belong to her, the one and only Dragon's Eye, to do as she sees fit."

With that he hilted the ring box towards her and for a moment she was blinded by its glimmer. She threw her hands up to shield her eyes, but it did no good. It took her a few seconds to realize it was coming from behind her.

Spinning around, she found herself facing the door, where D and her husband stood. Suddenly, she felt rather silly, standing there with what must be shock and confusion on her face. The door appeared rather ordinary now, as did the room. D stepped inside.

"Are you a bird lover, Lady Hellsing?" he asked, raising one long, manicured finger to point behind her. She looked back to the place that had being the living room just a moment ago.

Perched on top of an enormous golden cage, flapping their wings at the discontent of being disturbed, were two large red parrots. Their wingspan was bigger than any bird Integra had ever seen, at least three feet from tip to tip. As she watched, they ruffled their fierce plumage and turned to her. Their eyes were dark as coal.

"Interesting things, aren't they?" asked D. "Parrots. They imitate people like no other. These two here are the last of their kind. There are no parrots of this size and beauty left anywhere else in the world. Are they not the most lovely of creatures?"

The parrots regarded Integra closely, as if waiting for her to answer. She nodded. "Yes. They are indeed."

Satisfied, the parrots turned away and proceeded to groom themselves. Integra found herself at a loss of what to do. A gentle hand laid on her arm and she heard Alucard whisper in her ear, "come, dear. It's time to go."

Her head heavy with fog and incense, Integra felt herself nod as he led her out of the room, down the hall that suddenly seemed so much brighter, and to the front door. She thought about asking him what had happened, but couldn't quite figure out how to begin. Alucard held the door open and she stepped out into the chilly night. The cold air seemed to clear her head just a bit.

"Lady Hellsing."

She turned to see D approaching, a familiar box in his hands. He held it out to her.

"A parting gift, should we never meet again," he said. She regarded the box with apprehension, but took it, carefully as if it might electrocute her. D smiled and turned to Alucard. "The old wager is settled, though I must say I am disappointed that my grandfather lost. I feel as if I've missed the only chance to add a rare item to my collection."

Alucard smirked. "Don't talk about me as if I'm some fang-toothed rabbit you can catch and put on display. If you wish, I will bring you a vampire of less caliber to play with. This country is infested, after all."

"Cheap copies simply don't take the place of the original." Taking a small step back, D bowed. "I bid you good night, Lord and Lady of the night."

As Alucard led her away from the pet shop, Integra opened the box D had given her. Inside was what appeared to be a gold ring bearing the largest, smoothest, most flawless pearl she had ever laid eyes on.


	4. Tokyo

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am so so sorry about how long this took, and how long the next one will probably take. I've started the grueling process of studying for the CPA exam and it's killing me and my creativity slowly. This section was originally a lot longer and much more complex, but I had no time or energy to write it. After I finish the next part, I'm going back on break indefinitely. I'm just too busy and my brain is fried. Thanks for the reviews and support. I love you all!

By the way, this is a manga/anime world Japan. I had originally planned to stuff it full of references and have everyone play "spot the random crossover". As it is, I only managed a few. Sigh.

TOKYO Pt. 1

"Why am I wearing this?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Alucard led Integra through the bustling streets of Tokyo. The city was ripe with amazing culture, cutting edge technology, and strange things to see. But at the moment, Integra was a bit too occupied with her clothing and appearance.

Alucard tugged her sleeve as she paused again to look at herself in a store window. "Stop being so self-conscious."

"It feels strange. I haven't dressed like this since I was thirteen."

Granted, at the moment she did look thirteen. She was shorter, her eyes were wide with innocence, and her chest was flat. From head to toe, she had stepped back in time, bearing the same face and body she had on the day she had first laid eyes on her now-husband. It was the only physical transformation she had managed to learn thus far, and it still took something of an effort to maintain it. It felt beyond weird to be a child again.

And wearing a schoolgirl uniform.

"It doesn't feel right," she said again. "I know I'm supposed to blend in, but…"

"How else was I going to get you in a schoolgirl's uniform?" He dodged the first swing of her book bag, but took the second square in the face. "That hurt. Besides, I was joking."

Even stranger was Alucard's own appearance. Though having seen his current face in old photographs, Integra couldn't help but think she'd never get used to it. Standing at just over five feet tall, he had a neatly trimmed mane, hanging nearly to his waist, enormous sparkling eyes, and a child's mischievous grin, although the last one wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Matching her own uniform, he was dressed like a schoolboy, although with his fine features and black hair, she suspected he would look just as good, if not better than her, in a schoolgirl's dress.

"And why are you…" a hard body bumped into her before she could finish her sentence. She spun around to see a pretty, brown-haired girl in the craziest getup she had ever seen run past her. Seeing her surprise, the girl stopped in her tracks and bowed. She was sporting what seemed to be a pink and turquoise costume between a fairy and a jester. In her hand was a strange pink staff.

"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed. Integra opened her mouth to tell her it was alright when a strange object on the girl's shoulder caught her eye.

What appeared to be a stuffed animal with round ears and white wings was tugging on the girl's clothing. Her sharp vampiric ears picked up a faint whisper of, "hurry, hurry."

"Please excuse me," the brown-haired girl said. "I'm in a hurry." In a dash she was off, muttering, "which way, Keroberos?"

Integra rubbed the shoulder the girl had bumped into. "That was strange," she said. "I could've sworn that toy thing was talking."

Alucard grinned broadly in a way that usually made her nervous. This time was no exception. "This is Japan," he said. "Strange things happen in Japan."

"I thought I've seen all the strange things there are to see in this world." She looked at herself in the store window again. "Also, I don't think I'm fitting in that well. My hair…"

Suddenly she found herself interrupted again as Alucard grabbed her arm and pulled her into an alley, just as a large projectile narrowly missed her. The thing, at least twenty feet in diameter and round in shape, soared past her and smashed into the tip of a skyscraper. From the narrow glimpse she got, it appeared to be a…

Giant turtle?

"What the…" was all she could manage. Alucard, on the other hand, was already peeking out the alley, following the path of the flying turtle.

"Neat," she heard him say, with all the excitement and fascination of a real twelve-year-old. Following him, she extended her head out of the alley carefully. The turtle was out of sight now. She turned to see where it had come from.

Standing in the middle of the street was a girl with long, bright pink pig-tails. If Integra didn't know better, she would have said that, judging by her posture, the girl had just thrown a hundred-ton turtle into the sky.

The pink-haired girl seemed to be in shock for a moment. Then, suddenly, she slapped her own forehead and exclaimed, "Miho-chan! I forgot about Miho-chan! I have to find Miho-chan!"

In a moment she was off. Alucard patted Integra on the shoulder. "Still worried about standing out?"

She shook her head. "Not so much."

oOo

"This place is so strange," Integra commented as they passed by five girls in brightly colored skirts.

"In the name of the moon, I will punish you!" Exclaimed the blond-haired leader, leading her companions in a charge. Integra stopped to look.

"I think it's a show."

"It's not a show."

"But that monster thing..."

"Don't make eye contact."

Strolling along the edge of the city, Integra gazed up to see a boy wearing glasses and a round blue cat/raccoon-shaped robot fly by above. They seemed to be suspended by small propellers attached to their heads.

"That looks fun," she muttered to herself.

"It's harder than it looks."

She glanced at Alucard in surprise. "You've used one of those things?"

He nodded, long black locks bouncing as he did. "Yep. I forgot why. But that's probably just the aftermath of crashing into a newspaper stand headfirst."

At a streetlight, they paused to allow a marching line of five mechas cross. One of the drivers tipped his cap at them from the cockpit.

"I never thought I'd see mechas in person. And out in broad daylight, too."

"Yea, they usually come out to graze at night."

She glared at him. "You're not funny, you know that?"

He looked back at her with all seriousness. "It's true. Haven't seen the ones that graze? They run on organic fuel derived from the environment."

Integra spun his words around in her head and found that she had no way of proving him wrong. After all, this was the first time she had seen a mecha. Besides, it's Japan, maybe there really are mechas that graze. Lost in thought, she didn't catch Alucard trying to contain his chortles.

Before she could ask further, however, a small object dashed past her ankles, sending her skirt in and upward flair that was very much Marilyn Monroe. Letting out a gasp, she quickly pushed it down, with just enough time to catch Alucard's wandering eyes.

"What are you looking at?" she snapped.

He smirked. "What do you think?"

She raised her bookbag to give him her usual response, but a hand tapped on her shoulder. Surprised, she turned around to see a young woman standing behind her, dressed in a schoolgirl outfit almost identical to her own. Beneath her adorable bobbed haircut was a delicate, concerned face. She looked about sixteen.

"Excuse me," she said politely. "Have you seen a little black pig run by here?"

For a moment Integra thought she had heard wrong. Then she realized she hadn't, which meant the girl must be out of her mind, chasing imaginary piglets in the streets of Tokyo. She started to answer, but wasn't sure how.

"Um…"

Alucard jerked a thumb to the nearest street corner. "That way," he said.

The girl looked at him, then back at Integra, who decided that maybe the thing that ran by her leg was a pig after all. "Yes," she said. "What he said."

The girl smiled. She was very pretty. "Thank you," she said, and started to leave, but stopped after a second look at Integra. "What unusually hair color you have," she mused. "And your accent… where are you two from?"

Alucard and Integra exchanged a quick glance. "Europe," they said simultaneously.

The girl's eyes widened with admiration and concern. "Wow. I hope you're not traveling alone. You're both so young."

Mindful of their appearance, Alucard grinned widely. "It's alright," he replied cheerily. "We're doing just fine."

The girl nodded. "Alright," she said. "But if you need a place to stay for a day or two, my family has a dojo and we usually have house guests. I'm sure they won't mind two more for a bit." She winked. "I have to go find P-chan now."

"P-chan?"

"My pet piggy." She waved goodbye to them. "My name is Akane Tendo," she called back. "You're welcome at the Tendo Dojo any time."

Integra watched the girl's retreating back. "Wow," she sighed. "Are all Japanese people this friendly?"

Alucard shrugged. "There's friendly people everywhere. But when I heard her name just now, I think I got…"

Before he could finish, yet another small figure darted by them, this time right between Integra's legs. She let out a small cry, and could've sworn that the thing, whatever it was, paused to look up her skirt before running off.

"I'm really starting to get sick of this!" she exclaimed, just as a dark-haired young man ran by.

"Get back here, you old pervert!" he was yelling. And in a flash they were both gone. Integra straightened.

"There it was again," Alucard muttered.

"Hm? What?"

"Deja vu." A spark came to his eyes. "Come on, let's go check out this dojo."

NEXT: Alucard's strange connection to the Cursed Springs and the Tendo family!


	5. Tokyo pt 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is turnining into a three-part thing. Here's part two. Gimme some time until the third part. I'm very, very tired right now, studying nonstop and barely sleeping enough. I just hope this story is entertaining, and sorry if it's subpar compared to my old stuff. I'm really not very creative right now. CPA is sucking the life out of me.

Enjoy & Review plz!

TOKYO Pt. 2

Integra had never seen a dojo before. The place before her seemed very alien, but also warm and friendly. It wasn't large, but very authentic. A wooden plate by the gate read "Tendo Dojo".

"This is the place."

She peered inside. There was no one in the immediate vicinity except…

"Alucard?"

"Yes?"

"Do Japanese people often keep pandas as pets?"

"What?"

Looking over her shoulder, Alucard gaped at the giant panda sitting by the dojo's koi pond. It appeared to be meditating. In a perfect Buddha posture. Balanced on top of a decorative rock. He shrugged.

"It's possible, I guess."

"I thought pandas are an endangered species and aren't allowed to be kept as pets."

"So are nosferatus."

Having been deprived of many basic childhood pleasures, including owning a pet (Alucard usually made a lousy one in peace times), Integra felt a childish part of her stir. Or maybe it was the effect of maintaining her young body. "Can we pet it?"

"You can try."

They stepped into the dojo. At that precise moment, a familiar dark-haired young man appeared out of no where and, from the looks of it, was aiming a high kick straight for the panda's head.

"You stole my food again, you old geezer!" he was shouting.

To the two vampires' shock, the panda spun around, caught the young man's foot, and slammed him straight into the koi pond. He emerged a moment later, spattering water and shouting.

"Hey, does he look…"

"You kids looking for something?"

They turned to see a short-haired girl standing a few yards away. She studied them up and down. "Admissions to see the dojo is one thousand yen," she said. "Each."

oOo

"So the two of you are traveling alone in Japan?" asked Mr. Tendo.

Integra nodded. Sitting on the floor was something quite new to her after all those years in her office. Her knees were aching from the awkward position. Alucard, however, seemed to be right at home wherever he went. "We're just seeing the sights."

"And you come from Europe, you say? Which part?"

Integra thought about this for a moment. "I'm from England," she said truthfully, pointing at Alucard. "My companion here is from Romania."

Mr. Tendo chuckled. He seemed to be a middle-aged man in good humor. As they chatted, a young woman appeared and set a pot of tea and cups in front of them. She bore a strong resemblance to Akane. "This is my oldest daughter, Kasumi," said Mr. Tendo. "You're already met Akane. She's my youngest. Then there's my middle one. Nabiki."

"The one who tried to charge us for coming in," Alucard said. He sipped the tea. It wasn't nearly as good as what D served, but if he complained Integra would probably hit him with the nearest blunt object.

"You kids are very independent," Mr. Tendo mused. "Are all European kids like you?"

Simultaneously, Alucard and Integra thought about Annie. "Some are," replied Integra.

"And you both seem so mature. Especially you, Integra-chan."

Being over ten times his wife's age, Alucard nearly choked on his tea. He coughed as Integra hid a smirk and avoided his gaze.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you're much older than you look. In fact, this may seem silly, but I almost feel like you're as old as I am."

Feeling slighted, Alucard set down his cup. "What about me?"

"You?" Mr. Tendo smiled. "I'd say you're right where you need to be. But it's not a bad thing, Alu-chan. There's no harm in treasuring your childhood."

For the rest of their stay in Japan, Alucard muttered curses under his breath as Integra walked with her head held high.

oOo

After another three rounds with his father, Ranma managed to drag himself out of the koi pond. Those irritatingly large breasts were making a very noticeable impression behind his soaked shirt. He sighed, hoping the bath wasn't broken today.

It hasn't been a very good day. First Ryoga showed up in his piglet form and hogged Akane's attention all day, then Happosai raided the girl's locker room and managed to frame him for it. Upon returning home, his greedy panda-headed father had eaten his share of the snack Kasumi fixed. The only thing to top it off would be if the bath was broken and he had to stay in his female form all day.

With his father trailing behind, the two headed into the house.

They passed by the living room. Paused. Then took a few steps back.

Sitting there across from Mr. Tendo were two children. Looked a bit younger than Akane and himself. Judging by their features, they weren't Japanese. The girl was stunningly blond, and the boy, though bearing dark locks, had features that were distinctly European. As he regarded them, they also studied him.

Or rather, his father.

"What a big panda," gasped the girl. Getting to her feet, she approached Mr. Saotome and rubbed his fur. "I've never seen a panda up close before."

The boy, however, remained in his place. His eyes were trailing the Saotomes in a way that made Ranma uncomfortable. He looked at them, then at Mr. Tendo.

"These are our guests from out of the country," said Mr. Tendo. "They're traveling Japan and wanted to see the dojo."

The boy was still staring at them. Ranma decided he could put on his girl act for a day or two for these kids. "Hello," he said in his best girl voice, smiling sweetly. "My named is Ranma. And this is panda-san. What's your name?"

The girls smiled. Her eyes were very blue and clear. "I'm Integra." She bowed to the panda, who held up a sign that said "hello". "Nice to meet you, panda-san."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Don't be fooled, Integra," he said sharply. "That's a man."

Silence fell over the room. Ranma felt his heart skip. It was the first time someone had spotted his father without being told. He searched for words quickly and felt his tongue tangle. "Uh, no, why would you…"

"And you," interrupted the boy. "Two sexes in the same body. How does it feel?"

The girl looked at her companion in confusion. Ranma struggled with his tongue as his father stood there, looking this way and other, holding up a series of signs that made a poor attempt at denying the fact. It was at that moment that Akane walked in, holding P-chan in her arms. She looked around.

"Ah, you made it," she said to the "children", then looked at her father and Ranma. "What's going on?"

oOo

"My, someone else who knows about the Cursed Springs," said Kasumi. Sitting around the table are now the entire Tendo family, plus the two Saotomes, who have taken a hot bath after their initial shock. Alucard kept a close look on the nervous piglet in Akane's arms. It was a human, he was sure of it, but judging by the waves of affection it was sending towards Akane, he decided there was no harm in letting this one slide.

"Not only that," he said. "I have visited the Cursed Springs. Although I forget the details, I seem to recall meeting someone from your family there."

"Really?" Akane tapped her cheek with one finger in thought. "Perhaps you were there when Ranma and his father were training."

Alucard shook his head. "That's not it."

"When were you there?" asked Integra. It was the first time she'd heard of the Cursed Springs, although she wouldn't put it past Alucard to visit such a place just for kicks.

"Long time ago." Looking over each person in the room, he tried to recall.

Suddenly, the living room door burst open. An old man, perhaps two feet tall at best with a head like a cue ball appeared. He scanned the room and let his eyes fall on the visitors.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, bounding over the table straight towards Integra. "We have guests! And such a cute one, too!"

Every person in the room reached out simultaneously to stop him, but it was Alucard who got his hit, slapping the old man out of the air. He landed on the table heavily.

"Such a rude young person!" he said. Alucard ignored it as he suddenly rose to his feet.

"You!" he cried. "Now I remember! You old pervert!"

Happosai stared in confusion, as did everyone else. His eyes widened. "I remember you, too!" he shouted. "The young transvestite!"

oOo

_China__. 1946._

"What the heck are we doing in China, anyway?"

There was no immediate response. Walter sighed and nudged his companion, who was too busy skipping from one side of the winding mountain road to the other, looking with excitement at anything that moved. The young butler pondered how the vampire had managed to stay so youthful after five hundred years.

"Are you listening?" he said, louder this time. Raising his right hand, he flicked Alucard's fluffy pillow hat. The vampire scowled.

"Don't do that," he said, straightening it in a way that truly made Walter question the vampire's attachment to the strange headwear. "We're almost there. Stop griping. You sound like an old man."

"I just don't see why we're here. The boss is gonna be mad when he finds out, especially when someone tells him we charged this trip to Hellsing's budget."

"It's OK," replied Alucard with a grin. "Just say it's all my idea."

"It _is_ all your idea!"

"Then there's no problem." Before Walter could retort, Alucard gripped his arm and pointed down the road. "There! We're here. The Cursed Springs."

Though he hadn't known what to expect on this "detour" Alucard had insisted on upon their return from an overseas assignment, the Cursed Springs were nothing like he'd guessed. As the road ended, they found themselves facing a clearing dotted with hundreds of water-filled craters, as far as the eyes could see. The water was clear and a gentle green. Sticking out of the ponds was a forest of bamboo sticks. Walter stretched his neck and peeked about.

"So this is what you wanted to see?"

"This is it."

"We're going home."

"Don't be difficult." Alucard approached the nearest bamboo stick and tapped it. It was firmly planted in the ground. "Isn't this neat? I hear acrobats and karate masters come to train here. Maybe we can suggest something like this to the troops back home."

Seeing as his companion wasn't about to leave anytime soon, Walter shrugged and relented. "So why is it called the Cursed Springs?"

"That because each spring is cursed," answered a voice. He spun around to see a portly man with thick lips standing behind him. The man smiled broadly and waved. "Welcome, honored guests," he said. "Very good tourist season right now at Cursed Springs. I am the guide."

Walter scratched his head as Alucard reminded completely oblivious, examining the ponds with all the curiosity of a child. "There's a guide?"

"Oh, yes," said the guide eagerly. "My family been guide many generations now. My grandfather was guide, my father was guide, someday my son be guide, too."

"Boring job," Walter muttered.

"Ah, but great benefits." The guide gestured to the springs. "Would you like a tour?"

He considered a moment. "Sure, why not?"

_Soon… _

"You can't tell me this isn't interesting."

"It's not, and you're a freak for thinking it is."

Despite their bickering, though, Walter found himself somewhat fascinated by the Cursed Springs as the guide lead them through the winding paths between the ponds, chattering as if reading a script.

"These called Cursed Springs because each has a tragic tale," he was saying. "Take this one for example. A young girl drown inside long ago. Legends say if you fall in, you turn into young girl."

"Really?" said Walter with mild interest. "Are they all like that?"

"That is correct. That one there is spring of drowned cow. There is spring of drowned one-legged praying mantis. That spring of drowned hat-wearing garter snake…"

"Hey, Alucard," Walter called over his shoulder. "Is this what you came to…"

His words cut off as his eyes trailed upward. There, on top of the highest bamboo stick, was Alucard, balancing precariously with one leg, his white coat swaying in the wind. Walter shook his head. "Oh, that's just great…"

"Come up here, Walter!" called the vampire. "This is great!"

"Honored guest must not do that!" exclaimed the guide. "If you fall…"

"Don't worry," said Walter. With a swift motion, his wires flew out, slicing the bamboo stick in half. Alucard wobbled in midair a bit, then came plunging down, straight into the below. The guide let out a frightened shout.

"He's fine," Walter said. "Don't worry about him, he…"

"He fall into spring of drowned vampire!" the guide cried. "Run for your life!"

oOo

_Present day…   
_

"There's a spring of drowned vampire?" Integra asked.

Alucard shrugged. "Apparently."

TBC


	6. Tokyo pt 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alright, this is the very last chapter for a while. Must focus on studying and real life and all that. I've taken the first section of the CPA (there are 4) and am just hoping I passed. When I pass all four, I may start a new story as a celebration or something.

The teacher Ranma mentions in this chapter, in case you didn't know, is from his school. She usually looks like a little girl, but when absorps other people's chi, she turned adult and sexy. I can't remember her name.

Thanks for all the support and reviews. I am now going back into hiding. Several people have been sending me PMs on and off about the same things, so here's a mass answer to FAQs:

1) yes, you can translate any of my stories as long as I'm acknowledged as the author

2) No, I can't do any beta reading right now, or give any decent reviews to your stories, because I'm too busy doing stuff a lot less fun. I do appreaciate you asking, but ask again in June

3) the best writing advice I can give is to write what you feel is interesting and fun. If you can't have fun with it, no one else will

Hugs and kisses to you all

TOKYO Pt. 3_  
_

_Back to the flashback…_

Walter stood in place as the guide took off like a shotgun, rolling his eyes. Alucard dragged himself out of the pond, his long black locks sticking to his drenched clothes. He threw the wet pillow hat at the young butler.

"What'd you do that for?"

"Oh stop, you could've jumped off easy."

Glaring, Alucard shrugged off his coat. "Now I'm all wet," he muttered, and began to unbutton his shirt. Walter blanched.

"What are you doing?"

"What's it look like?" said Alucard, stripping down and laying out his clothes. "I'm drying it out. I swear, the _one _day I choose to wear clothes instead of form my own…"

"Cover yourself!" Walter shouted, shoving the wet jacket into Alucard's arms. "You look like a girl! Have a little modesty!"

oOo

_Present day… _

"Sounds like someone else I know," Akane said quietly, looking at Ranman, who stuck his tongue out at her.

oOo

_Back to the flashback…_

"Don't be such a prude," Alucard teased as he wringed out his clothes. Despite being right next to the springs, the air was relatively dry. Smirking, he glanced at Walter's slightly flushed face in amusement. The young butler was turned away, tapping his foot in annoyance.

"Come now, Walter," he purred. "Are you telling me this form doesn't intrigue you? Even a little? Why it wasn't that long ago that you mistook me for…"

"Just shut up."

"Are you blushing?"

"No!"

Laying his shirt and jacket on the ground, Alucard stood. The wet pants clad to his slender form as droplets of water slid from his long hair over his flawless skin. With his long locks draped over his bare torso, he looked like a mermaid freshly emerged. There was a wave of heat coming from Walter. He could feel it.

"What's wrong, Walter?"

"Just get dressed!"

"Well, I think…"

The rest of sentence disappeared into the air as something small and firm bumped into his back. Alucard stumbled forward in surprise, which was rare, as few things could catch him off guard at this age. But whatever it was had completely concealed its presence. Not only that, it had clamped onto him. What felt like tiny hands gripped his buttocks tightly.

"Mmm… hello pretty girl!" muttered a voice.

With a cry, more angry than startled, Alucard spun around and plucked the foreign object off his rear and threw it with all his strength. Walter looked up in shock as it hit a nearby tree and slid to the ground.

It appeared to be an old man.

A very tiny old man shaped like a round ball. Indeed, he behaved like one, too. The moment his feet touched the ground the old man leapt up and stared angrily at Alucard. "What's the big idea?" he snapped. "Little girls should behave better than that!"

"Who's a little girl!" Alucard snapped back. For a long moment they stood there, staring at each other as Walter looked on in confusion.

The old man's eyes widened. "You're a boy?" he asked incredulously. Then, with a smirk that almost rivaled Alucard's infamous smugness, he stuck his nose in the air. "Hmph. Kids nowadays."

"You _assumed_ I was a girl, you old pervert!"

"Then you shouldn't look like one, you little transvestite!"

"Get some glasses!"

"Get a haircut!"

Walter cleared his throat. "Actually, Alucard… you do look like…"

"Shut up!" The two shouted simultaneously. The young butler took a tentative step back as a wave of strong battle aura emitted from both.

"I'll teach you a lesson, you old goat," said Alucard.

"Bring it on, you little fr…"

There was a pause. Suddenly, the old man looked this way and that. A commotion could be heard in the distance. He glanced at Alucard. "Some other time," he said, and was off before his opponent could protest.

Alucard and Walter stood in shock for a few seconds. A second after the old man disappeared, a group of men were seen running down a nearby pass in the same direction. Shouts of "Stop! Thief!" could be heard. Soon they were gone, too. Walter picked up Alucard's clothes and threw them at the vampire.

"See? Told you you need to cover up."

Smiling slyly, Alucard drew closer to Walter and rubbed his cheek against the boy's shoulder. "what's wrong, Walter?" he whispered seductively. "You don't like me anymore?"

Walter's face turned beet red. "Stop being weird!" he cried, and pushed Alucard into the nearest pond.

oOo

_Present day…_

"Wait a minute," Integra said. "Walter pushed you into another pond?"

Alucard nodded. "That's right."

"And if you fall into the pond" –Integra glanced at Ranma and his father—"you turned into something else when cold water is poured on you?"

"Yep," said Ranma.

"Is there a way to remedy is?"

"We've been trying to get water from the spring of drowned man."

Integra thought for a moment. "Makes sense." She turned to Alucard. "Did you use the spring of drown man?"

Alucard shook his head. "No. Why do you a…" Integra dumped her tea, now cold, over his head.

And there, sitting wet and very angry-looking, was a pudgy, big-eared Koala bear. The room was silent for several moments, until Integra burst out laughing. A moment later Akane followed. Glaring at his wife, Alucard shifted back into his human form. "What did you do that for?"

"I was, ahem, just wondering," replied Integra between chortles.

The other occupants of the room stared at them, mesmerized. "Wow," said Ranma. "How did you change back without hot water?"

"Hot water?"

"Yea. You're supposed to change back with hot water."

"Oh." Alucard felt his mind working quickly. He had accidentally exposed something he shouldn't. "It's… uh, a talent."

To his relief, Ranma simply shrugged. "Lucky," he said, leaning back. "I wish I knew how to do that."

"Enough of that," snapped Happosai, jumping onto the table. He glared at Alucard murderously, or rather as murderously as a two-foot tall old man shaped like two cue balls could. "You perverted little cross-dresser! You should be ashamed, baiting an innocent man that way!"

"Shut up, you old freak!" replied Alucard hotly, slamming his fist on the table. "Are you saying I asked you to grope me?"

Unfortunately, in his moment of anger, he had underestimated his own strength. The table snapped in two, sending Happosai, along with three cups of tea, into the air.

Three splashes of water landed smack on Integra's face. She let out a small cry of surprise, and momentarily lost control over her form. Her breasts and hips literally bust out of the tiny schoolgirl uniform, providing an ample landing for Happosai's face-plant.

Then, silence.

"Wow," said Ranma after a moment. "We have a teacher at school that can do that."

Integra's face was bright red. Moaning contently, Happosai buried his face deeper between her breasts. Mr. Saotome and Mr. Tendo had looked away, pretending they did not notice her half-exposed chest and legs. Alucard heard her teeth gnashing in anger and sensed what was coming.

"Get off me!" She shouted, and with one mighty punch Happosai went flying through the roof. The Saotome and Tendo families looked on as if it was nothing new. Moving awkwardly and shielding her body with her arms, Integra got to her feet. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "Come on, Alucard, let's go."

"Just a moment," said Kasumi, also standing. "Let me get you some clothes."

"Just make sure it's not Akane's," Ranma said under his breath, dodging Akane's fists. "The chest would be way too tight."

As Integra followed Kasumi out of the room, Mr. Tendo gaped up at the hole in the room. "Look at that," he said to Mr. Saotome. "Look how far he flew. We should invite them over more often."

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Sorry about the table."

"No problem," said Nabiki. "Akane does that at least twice a day. We have several spares in storage."

Alucard turned to Mr. Saotome. "Tell me something, is the Cursed Spring still around?"

"Last I heard," the man replied. "That place is indestructible."

A grin spread across Alucard's face. Integra, who had just emerged wearing one of Kasumi's sundresses, immediately knew that trouble was ahead. "Good."

oOo

_Two weeks later, at Hellsing manor…_

"Something came in the mail for you, Father Anderson."

Alexander Anderson looked up from his book. Walter stood at the library door. Aside from his cane and hair, which was now entirely silver, the butler had not changed since the war. Anderson nodded his acknowledgement.

"Thank you, Walter," he said. "Where is it?"

The butler pointed down the hall. "I left it by the front door. It was rather large, and heavy. And these old bones aren't what they used to be."

_A large, heavy package?_ Anderson couldn't being to imagine what it was. He stood and walked past Walter.

"Is it from Sir Hellsing?" he asked as he exited the library.

"It's from her husband," replied the old butler, walking away slowly. "Therefore, I recommend keeping at least a five yard distance when you open it."

Curious and suspicious at the same time, Anderson made his way to the front door. There, in the middle of the front hall, was a large crate, packed and sealed tightly. He hesitated. It wasn't unusual for Integra and Alucard to send back souvenirs from their travels, but they were usually small items, mostly books, trinkets, and an occasional article of clothing. Of course, this was only when Integra was in charge of picking it out. Her husband was of a more mischievous nature. The last thing he shipped back had taken the combined effort of him, Anessa, and Seras, armed with enough weapons and poisons to take down a small army, three days to hunt down and kill. He did not intend to make that mistake again, seeing how he still had scars from its stings on his palm.

He check the crate. No air holes. Good.

Of course that didn't mean it wasn't dangerous.

Tentatively, carefully, he opened the crate, on full guard in came something came jumping out, oozing out, or explodes.

Nothing. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Inside the crate, buried in the packing materials, was a metal container shaped similar to a large thermos, sealed tightly with padding and tied with rope. He removed it. It was indeed heavy. Judging by the sound, it was filled with liquid. He guessed it contained at least a gallon of it.

Was it wine, perhaps? Some sort of exotic fruit juice that will makes him break out in hives if he drank it? Loosening, the ropes, he opened it, careful to avoid poisonous fumes should there be any.

Again, nothing. He peeked inside. The silent, clear liquid reflected his face. Looked like water.

He dipped a fingertip in it. It wasn't acidic.

He smelled it. No discernable fumes.

He touches his tongue to his wet fingertip. No taste.

Just water?

Digging through the packing material, Anderson found a small card. Inside was a short message, definitely in Alucard's handwriting.

_Anderson_

_This is a gift a former holy man like you may appreciate. It is ceremonial bath water from the temples in the mountains of _ _China__, similar to European holy water. The monks watch themselves with it before their daily rituals. It is for cleansing of body and soul. Try it out. _

_P.S. Do not let Annie or Seras near it. I fear it may harm them like holy water. _

Anderson looked at the jug of water. Judging by the message, he was to wash with it. Though he was a bit apprehensive, it was true that he and Alucard were long past their old rivalries, and there hasn't been an attempt at each other's life in many years. Besides, what could water possibly do to him? It wasn't acidic, nor poisonous.

Shrugging, he picked up the jug of water and headed to the bathroom.

What's the worst that could happen?


	7. Onward

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I passed the first section of CPA. Yay! 3 more to go though. Anyway, this is really more of an "afterthought" chapter, and it's kind of proof that I do intend to keep this story going for a little longer. Plus everyone wanted to know what Anderson turned into.

Also, if you don't know where they are at the end of the chapter, you may have had a pretty deprived childhood.

Enjoy & Review!

ONWARD

Integra's dreams were vivid and at the same time disheveled. Her subconscious frittered as she slept, filled with fragments of old memories and random ideas. Every now and then an image of her father appeared, followed by Annie's face, always accompanied by loving, nostalgic feelings.

Alucard brushed those aside. He missed his daughter, too, but at the moment, that wasn't what he was interested in.

Ever since she became a vampire, Integra's dreams had been particularly hard to enter. In the past, during her human years, Alucard had made it quite a habit to dwell in the realms of her sleep, what little of it she did. Sometimes he rearranged things just for chuckles. A few times he simply browsed her mind like one might a museum. But the best times was when she was especially tired, and her conscious was unaware of his presence in the least. That was when he could manipulate it just right and create a fantasy world of his own. In those times, it was quite open to suggestions.

That was the one thing he'll always miss about her humanity. Nowadays he's lucky if he could even sneak in without her catching him. Her mental barriers have been extra tight and alert ever since he tried to lure her subconscious into playing a particularly erotic re-enactment of _Dracula._ Despite that, he had to admit that what he managed to get out of her dream that night was totally worth it.

Tonight he was especially lucky. They had spent the previous night touring the Great Wall of China. Unsure of their location, they had wound up wandering atop the Wall for six hours. Exhausted, Integra had fallen asleep within minutes of returning to their lodge.

Clearing an area in her dreaming mind, Alucard considered how best to use this opportunity. Could he convince her subconscious self to put on that school uniform from Japan again? Maybe some kind of devil-and-angel cosplay? Fishnet stockings? The possibilities were endless.

He wandered through her dream. The surroundings were slowly filling with fog. It wasn't his doing. Perhaps she was falling into a deeper sleep. The fragments of her memory and ideas faded away.

Before he could begin to exert his influence over her, an object caught his eye. There, right in front of him, a gray silhouette in the fog. He blinked tried to bat away the fog for a better look.

It was a throne. Very much like the one he once occupied in Hellsing's dungeons.

This surprised him. Had Integra begun a dream of her own? It was very possible. As he watched, the fog began to part, revealing a figure half-laying on the throne, its long legs draped over one of the armrests.

It had Integra's face and his hair.

"Annie?"

The figure smirked. It was like looking into a mirror. "Hello, dad."

oOo

After the initial shock wore off, Alucard found himself very proud of his little girl. Of course, she's not so little anymore. With the exception of her broad smile, she was a spitting image of her mother. And, just like her mother, she kept her black hair unreasonably long. Her body was that of a grown woman now, curvy and soft, though her eyes were steely cold with calculating intelligence. Her vampire powers had grown, as was evident by her dream penetration technique. Alucard was very proud indeed.

Anessa, however, looked less than pleased to see him. With a wave of her hand, a second throne appeared behind Alucard. He raised a brow.

"Cocky, aren't we?" he said, and sat down. "Seems we've learned a few new tricks."

"Does mom know you're in her dreams again?"

"Shouldn't I ask you the same thing?"

Anessa shook her head. "Not at all. I've placed a barrier around you and I, since I have no intention of messing with her dreams to begin with."

Alucard laughed. "What are you implying?"

"Nothing important." Straightening, she crossed her legs and sat up on the throne. Fog was surrounding both of them as they hovered inside Integra's mind. "I actually tracked you down to ask you a question, Dad."

"You couldn't have called?"

"I never know where you are. Besides, you haven't called in over a week, and I suspect it's because you don't want to owe up to what's going on back home."

Alucard put on an innocent face, or rather as innocent as he could make it. "What are you talking about?"

Pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance, something her mother did a lot in the times leading up to the war, Annie sighed. "I'm only going to ask this once."

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Yes, master," he said sarcastically.

"Dad!"

"Fine, what is it?"

"_Why is Father Alex a goat?!_"

Alucard summoned all of his strength.

He bit his lower lip with his fang.

He gripped the arms of the throne.

None of it worked.

He burst out laughing. Anessa was giving him a murderous glare.

"This isn't funny, Dad," she snapped. "I know you had something to do with this. What was that water you shipped here? Can we turned him back?"

Trying hard to contain his laughter, Alucard cleared his throat. "Yes," he said. "You can."

"How?"

"I don't know."

"Cut the crap, Dad."

"Watch your language, young lady."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, Alucard relented. There were only two people in the world who could do that to him and he was facing one of them. Thankfully the other one was asleep and didn't know about the incident. Or rather, didn't need to know.

"There is a spring in China," he said, and described the location in as much detail as he could. "It's a bit confusing, but ask for a tour when you get there and everything will make sense. But do me one favor, Annie."

"What's that?"

oOo

Seras and Walter sat side by side and looked blankly at the white, brown-spotted goat. It was pacing the halls, up and down, up and down. It was frustrated. Because, after all, it used to be human. And now it wasn't human. It wasn't human and no one knew how to turn it back. And worse, it was sick of grazing.

"Don't worry, Father," said Seras, as soothingly as possible. "I'm sure Annie will find a way to turn you back."

The goat didn't seem convinced.

"If not, we can always strap some blades to your hooves so you can fight again," said Walter cheerily.

The goat didn't look amused.

The butler looked at Seras. "Well, I'm out of ideas. Think we should give up for now?"

"Not so fast."

Three pairs of eyes looked up as Anessa Hellsing appeared. Judging by the smile on her face, she had made some sort of discovery. The goat extended its neck hopefully.

"Walter, if you could," she said, holding a strange object in her hand, "arrange a flight for you and I. We're going to China. Please hold down the fort while we're gone, Seras. It won't be more than two or three days. Father Alex?"

The goat looked her way. She held up the object. It was a Polaroid camera. "Smile!"

Before it could react, she snapped a photo. It blinked from the bright flash. "That'll do. Come on, Walter." She waved the photo. "Don't let me forget to put this in the mail."

Looking beyond confused, the old butler got to his feet and followed. Seras watched them go, wide-eyed.

"Um, alright," she said after a while, and exchanged a glance with the goat. "I guess she found something. We'll ask when she gets back I guess." The goat seemed to agree. "While we wait, why don't I give you a bath, Father Anderson? I'm sure you're sick of getting all that fur dirty outside."

The goat looked hesitative.

"It's alright," Seras with a grin. "There's no need to be embarrassed. I'll just rinse you off with some nice hot water. I'm sure you'll feel better once you're clean."

oOo

_Back to our happy couple…_

"We're lost."

Integra glared at her husband. "What do you mean we're lost? You said you knew where you were going."

"I thought I did." Alucard looked out the car window at the town outside. It looked European, but not quite like anything he knew. Snow was falling.

"I told you to ask for directions," Integra muttered. "I swear, men don't learn to ask for directions no matter how old they are. I knew I shouldn't have let you drive."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"The last thing you drove was probably a carriage."

Alucard started to argue, realized she was right, and wisely closed his mouth. Morning was coming soon and they hadn't found a place to spend the day. He pulled the car to the side of the road.

"Why are we stopping here?"

He got out. The town was to his left. To his right was an enormous establishment. Smoke bellowed out of a dozen giant chimneys pointing to the sky. Integra followed him out, wrapping her white coat tightly around her body. The night was cold. Alucard pointed at the building.

"Looks like a factory," he said. "They might be open. We can ask for directions here."

Looking around, Integra saw that the rest of the town was asleep. Asking for directions at a factory wasn't her top choice, but it may be their best bet.

Besides, something about this place was captivating. She admired the structure. There was something very enticing about it.

Alucard wrinkled his nose. "Do you smell that?"

"Yes…" she said slowly. The air around the factory smelled thickly of chocolate.

TBC...


	8. Chocolate Factory

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm taking the second section of the CPA this weekend. Wish me luck. In the mean time, here's a little chapter to tide you over until I get back. Think new the Chocolate Factory movie, with Johnny Depp and squirrels and all that good stuff.

Enjoy & Review!

CHOCOLATE FACTORY

PT 1

The factory gates were locked tight, though judging by the smoking emitting from the chimneys and dim lights here and there in the windows, it was definitely open. Dawn was approaching and it seems the factory workers were already hard at work.

"How did they get in?" Integra mused, running her hand along the icy grates of the gate.

"Back entrance, perhaps." Looking around, Alucard made sure no one was in sight. "But we don't have time for that." Unsolidifying his body, he stepped through the bars. Integra hesitated.

"I don't think I can do that."

"Sure you can, we practiced last week."

"I mean break into a factory."

"We're not breaking in." He reached through the grates and grabbed her hand. "They're open. We'll say we followed the workers in here."

If the sun wasn't making its way over the horizon, Integra didn't think she would've agreed. But the first sign of day was appearing, and though it wasn't fatal to her, she didn't feel like breaking out in hives for the next twelve hours. Relenting, she let him pull her inside.

The courtyard was larger than she had expected. As they made their way up to the massive front door, she noticed that the thick snow on the ground appeared new and untouched, as if no one had walked this path for days.

"Strange," she muttered.

"I agree," said Alucard, but he was tugging on the steel door. Like the gate, it was also locked tight. In fact, here and there it had rusted, as if it hadn't been used in months. Stepping back, he shrugged. "Well, we've come this far," he said, and pulled Integra through the doors before she could argue.

The first thing that greeted them was a long hall. A strip of dark red carpet covered the floor. The walls were a silvery steel, and there was, once again, no one in sight. The scent of chocolate and sugar was even thicker inside. The air was filled with the smells of candy, pastries, marshmallows, sugar cane, and cream.

"What now?"

Alucard didn't reply. Instead, he lifted his head upward and sniffed the air intently. "Do you smell that?"

"The sugar? Yes. I think it's a candy factory."

"Not that." Walking along the hall slowly, Alucard suddenly appeared more serious than Integra was comfortable with.

"What do you smell?"

"I'm not sure. Something familiar and… vampiric."

"There are vampires here?"

"Not necessarily. Just…" A movement in the far end of the hall caught both their eyes. A figure the size of a small child. In a moment it was gone.

"Was that a vampire?"

"I don't think so." An unreadable look slid past Alucard's face. He was uncomfortable, something even more rare than Integra's smile in the old days. He took his wife's arm firmly. "We're leaving."

"What? Why?" Integra stumbled a bit as Alucard pulled her to the front door. "If there are vampires here…"

Someone gasped. They stopped in their tracks as a tall figure stepped into the hall.

"Francis??"

oOo

Two vampires and a man stood in the hall.

At least Integra was fairly sure the other was a man. He was tall, slim, and neatly dressed in a purple suit and top hat. Even his gloves were purple. He had soft features and perfectly tripped hair that hung at either side of his face. Something about his demeanor reminded her of Count D – feminine, delicate, almost beautiful.

But Count D gave off an air of class and sophistication. This guy looked like he was the lead of a 1500s harlequin-studded Italian opera.

Or maybe Clockwork Orange. She never liked that movie.

Another moment passed. Alucard wasn't saying anything. She leaned over and whispered, "which one of us is he talking to?"

"Francis, is it you!"

Then the purple man was in front of them, grinning widely at Alucard like a little kid who had just ran into a playmate.

"How have you been?"

She heard Alucard's fangs grate. "Fine," he said coldly.

"To think you'd come all the way just to visit me," the man went on, completely ignoring Integra. "Are you surprised to see the factory? How about a tour? I can show you the candy room. I did wind up building that chocolate waterfall, you know."

Silence.

The man didn't see deterred. He kept smiling. Integra cleared her throat. He turned to her.

"Oh my, I'm sorry," he said. Grabbing her hand, he shook it enthusiastically. "I'm Willy Wonka. Welcome to my factory."

"I'm Integra," she said. Alucard still wasn't saying anything. In fact, the look on his face indicated he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"That's nice," said Willy Wonka, turning back to Alucard. "Come on, I'll give you a tour, Francis."

As he started turn away, Integra said, "I think you have my husband confused with someone else, he isn't…"

Alucard shushed her with a wave. "Don't correct him," he said in a tired voice. "Don't even bother."

oOo

The factory was indeed amazing, like a fairytale realm right out of a picture book.

The Chocolate Room was beautiful, a treat for the senses. Huge marshmallow mushroom spotted the room on top of a green grass canopy. Candy apples, cream flowers, and the huge chocolate waterfall. Integra almost wished she was still human so she could at least have a taste.

"Everything in this room is edible," Willy Wonka was chattering as he led them through. "Even the grass."

"Including you," muttered Alucard under his breath.

"Ah, but that's called cannibalism," said Wonka cheerily. "That's frowned upon in most civilizations." He waved for them to follow. They stopped on a bridge right by the waterfall. "The waterfall mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy. However, it must not be touched by human hands."

Integra walked close to Alucard. "Is this guy serious?" she whispered.

He shrugged. "I don't really know anymore."

"Do you know this guy?"

"Unfortunately."

"Why does he call you Francis?"

"Because my name is too hard to remember."

"What?"

oOo

_Some years ago…_

Loompaland was hot and humid.

It was also filled with Snozzwangers, Hornswogglers, wicked Whangdoodles, and Vermicious knids. The ground was swampy, the air was putrid, the trees were full of poisonous flowers and pricking thorns, not to mention the sneaky Oompa-Loompas that liked to take curious peeks at their unusual visitor. Once or twice he had considered pouncing on one of the little bugger just to see if their blood tasted as exotic as their appearance. But judging by their diet of bark and caterpillars, he knew it wouldn't be worth the effort.

All of that, however, was no worse than the annoying traveling companion he had inadvertently picked up.

"Wait, Francis!" the pale-skinned man in the ridiculous safari suit called to him. "You're walking too fast!"

"Then keep up!" Alucard snapped over his shoulder. "And stop calling me Francis!"

"But your name is so hard to remember," said Willy Wonka. Spotting a bundle of red berries on a nearby plant, he picked one and ate it. Apparently it tasted awful, because he made a face and spat it back out. "That's no good."

"Stop talking."

"Did I ever tell you about my idea to make real whipped cream?"

"Stop talking."

"It has to be whipped with whips, otherwise it's not real whipped cream."

"I said stop talking."

There was a pause. For a moment Alucard thought his message got through, but turns out Wonka was only pausing to taste a strangely colored leaf. "This is pretty good," he said, stuffing a handful of the stuff into his pack. "I'll call it Jungle Mint. Did I ever tell you about my idea for Hair Toffee?"

"Would you shut up for one minute?!" Alucard quickened his step. Unfortunately, Wonka was still keeping up, sampling pieces of the forest was he did. "And stop putting those weird things in your mouth!"

"But you can't make candy unless you sample the flavors first. Do you know why?"

"I don't care!"

oOo

_At the factory_…

"What were you doing in Loompaland?"

"It's complicated."

They were sitting on a giant pink sugar boat rowed by twenty-odd Oompa-Loompas. Alucard seemed completely indifferent to them, though Integra secretly thought they were just adorable. Wonka was pointing out various room alongside the factory's underground tunnels.

"I was looking for a spell. Legend had it that there was a particular location in Loompaland where curse-breakers could be performed. It was a rare opportunity I had to get out from your father's thumb for a short while."

"You were trying to break Hellsing's hold over you?"

"It was worth a try. I'd tried everything else."

"Didn't work, obviously."

"Well, I…" Alucard paused, realizing Integra was looking over his shoulder at something.

"Why are they whipping that poor cow?"

TBC...


	9. Chocolate Factory pt 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: second part to chocolate factory. Yay! Couple of announcements. First, I got a new story out. Requiem for Mina. Check it out. It's in the style of my typical romantic, little angsty, AxI stories. Think Alpha Female, except this time Alucard's making the choices. Also, if you're a fan of Annie and Seth looking for a fix, check out Elin-Darling's stories. She's doing fanfics specifically centered around them and they're funny as hell.

Now then, I've received a bunch of suggestions for this story. I will now list them and the possibility of it happening. Notice that if I don't know anything about the series/show/manga you suggested, it's an automatic no, simply because, well, I don't know anything about it. Do feel free to keep the suggestions coming though. You never know which ones I might take.

Harry Potter - 90 likely. In fact, I already have some things planned

Devil May Cry - no. don't know anything about it.

X-man - 60 likely. I have to spend some time thinking about it

Flying Dutchman - no. see Devil May Cry

Castlevania - 25 likely. I may consider it, but I don't want to cause any family drama in the story.

Two batches of vampire cookies to the first person who identifies where they're headed for next!

CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Pt. 2_  
_

_Loompaland…_

The Oompa-Loompas were generous enough to offer them a hut. Alucard had to credit that one to Willy Wonka, who had amazingly managed to master their language. Among all the languages Alucard himself spoke, including English, French, Italian, German, Greek, and Danish, the language of the Oompa-Loompas escaped him. No loss though, as it mainly consisted of squeaks, noises, and hand gestures. Not a very gentlemanly language.

The hut was small and sat on top of a massive tree branch. It was clean enough, however, and just big enough for him to sit on one side of the room and barely shut out his roommate's chatter. The man was endlessly cheerful and talked incessantly about rock candy, chocolate birds, and marshmallow pillows. Just his words gave Alucard cavities.

But that didn't matter. Putting up with guy was just a minor problem. Night had fallen, and soon the time will come for the ritual. He had a chance to break away from Hellsing. From that obnoxious Arthur. He'd miss Walter, he decided, should he indeed win his freedom tonight. But honestly, Walter was young and handsome and needs to have other friends besides an old, cynical vampire.

The moon was rising over the jungle. The time was drawing near. Alucard opened his knapsack. The only items he'd brought with him were a few packs of medical blood, a knife, and a silver goblet. Removing his glove, he cut his left palm with the knife and filled the goblet with his blood.

The timing had to be exact. Leaving the goblet in the center of the hut, he stepped outside and gaze up at the sky. He was alone. Perfect. Wonka should be on the jungle floor engaging in some sort of ridiculous cocoa bean celebration with the Oompa-Loompas.

That was what he assumed, until he heard a rustle from inside the hut and a voice saying, "hey, is this juice?"

oOo

Integra chewed on her lip. She wanted to laugh, but the look on Alucard's face told her it was a bad time for that.

"So he…"

"Yep."

"And you…"

"Yep."

"Now he…"

"Doesn't age. Not much at least. I have no idea how old he is."

Integra shook her head. "I don't know whether to laugh or cry."

"I did both, simultaneously and repeatedly, after I realized what he did."

"I'm surprised you didn't kill him."

"I considered it. But it would've served no purpose."

oOo

_Loompaland…_

The days in Loompaland was almost unbearably hot. Steam rose from the swamps and the entire hut was filled with a damp, sickly green mist. The thin-walled, door-less space offered little protection from the searing sun.

There was nothing for Alucard to do but pull the hemp blanket over his head and do his best to get through the day. When night arrived, it would finally be time to escape this God-forsaken place and back to civilization.

Arthur might get mad, assuming the obnoxious drunk pulled his head out of the whiskey bottle long enough to notice his pet vampire was gone. Not that it was hard dealing with the guy. Though Alucard despised himself for resorting to the lowly trick, all he had to do to divert Arthur's attention was to take on his female form and pout. Dirty, humiliating, but effective. Sometimes he wandered if the same trick would work on the next heir of Hellsing.

Amidst the heat and dampness, all he wanted was some peace and quiet, but no such luck. His bubbly traveling companion kept coming and going all day, talking nonsense all the while.

"The Oompa-Loompas are just great," Wonka was saying, dumping out the contents of his bag, which mostly consisted of more "samples" from the forest. "They showed me all kinds of stuff. Such great little guys."

The elder vampire groaned and covered his ears, turning his back to the man, hoping he'd get the hint. No luck there, either.

"And they're such good little workers. You know, they gather all sorts of caterpillars and beetles all day for their diet."

"Shut up," Alucard muttered under his breath, "you sugar-coated freak."

"I can't get such good workers for my factory though. The last batch I had was stealing my candy-making secrets, and I just can't have that."

"For God's sake…"

"I hated to fire so many of them. I mean, I had to close down my factory for a while. I have no idea what I'll do for labor now. If only there were workers like the OompaLoompas…"

Flinging the blanket away from him, Alucard sat up. His hair, a complete mess from exhaustion, fell over his eyes. "Look!" he snapped. "If you like them so much, take the little freaks back to the factory with you and stop bothering me."

Wonka's eyes widened. "Why, Francis!" he exclaimed, making Alucard's nerves itch, "that's a great idea!" He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Now if only I can figure out how much they'd charge."

"Pay them in goddamn cocoa beans or something!" Laying back down, Alucard rubbed his temples. This trip couldn't be over soon enough. "Now let me get some sleep."

oOo

"He did it."

Alucard nodded as they walked past another room full of Oompa-Loompas working hard at a bizarre-looking machine. "Apparently."

Wonka was leading them deep into the bowels of the factory. Despite Alucard's general dismay, Integra was fascinated. There were so many things to see, especially the mountain made of fudge.

"Would you like to see the nut room?"

"No," Alucard said.

"Inventing room it is then," Wonka declared happily. The way he was chatting on reminded Alucard of the tour guide at the Cursed Springs. "Right this way. I will have to ask you to keep your hands to yourselves as the equipment in this room is very delicate. In fact, one small mishap and…"

Integra wasn't paying much attention. The inventing room was the strangest one yet. Aside from the purple floors and blue walls, it was filled with enormous machinery, silvery tubes connecting curious apparatuses, and huge tanks of water, syrup, and liquids she preferred not to know too much about. Alucard didn't look too impressed, however. She had an inkling that Wonka had described all of this to him in detail before, probably repeatedly.

Wonka headed to what appeared to be a huge oven. Two Oompa-Loompas appeared as if out of nowhere. The three conversed for a moment in gibberish. He turned to the two vampires. "Are you ready?"

Integra blinked. "Ready for what?"

The lights suddenly went out. A tiny lamp snapped on in the corner. Wonka was looking into the oven through the glass window on its door. He motioned for them to come near and put a finger to his lips.

"Sshhh…" he whispered. "Don't startle them."

"Startle what?" Alucard asked, a bit loudly, perhaps on purpose. Wonka winced and waved his hand furiously.

"Quiet! Please!" he looked into the often again. "This one was inspired by you, Francis."

Integra arched an eyebrow and gave her husband a surprised glance. She herself certainly didn't want to eat anything inspired by Alucard, no matter what it may be. In her mind, she imagined tiny chocolate bats that flapped around the room, snickering evilly to themselves. Alucard looked equally apprehensive.

Opening the oven, Wonka removed a large metal tray. Carefully, holding it, he turned around and showed it to Alucard and Integra. Several flat objects sat within it.

"I call them vampires cookies," Wonka announced proudly.

Leaning in, Integra saw that they were gingerbread men. There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary about them. Gingerly, she reached in the tray to touch one.

"Wait, what?" Alucard said.

"Vampire cookies. They're not complete yet, but…"

"Hold up." Alucard silenced the chocolate maker with a raised hand. "How… when…"

"Oh, I always knew, Francis," Wonka said cheerily, completely ignoring the surprise on the vampire's face. Integra prodded one of the cookies. "I mean, I think it was pretty obvious that…"

"Ow!" Alucard started. Integra was cradling her hand, a shocked look on her face. "I think that cookie bit me!"

"Well, yes," Wonka said matter-of-factly. "They're _vampire _cookies. Unfortunately that's all they do right now. I can't get them to draw blood."

The man was nuts. "Who would buy those?"

"Well… I leave that to the marketing department."

"Right…" Integra tossed her husband a side glance. "I think we should leave now."

oOo

"Have you always known he was a vampire?" Integra asked Wonka as he saw them out. Wonka nodded. 

"Sure," he said. "I've met all sorts of people. Why some years ago I had a couple of werewolves visit the factory."

"Werewolves?"

"There were two of them. A big one and a little one. Come to think of it, I never knew for sure of the little one was a werewolf or not. He was more like a kitten if you ask me. The big one never said much, but the little one was very fun. He scaled the fudge mountain all by himself, but I had to ask him to leave when he started to chase the squirrels."

"Squirrels?"

"If you had seen the nut room you would've seen them." Two Oompa-Loompas opened the factory gate for them. Wonka reached into his pocket and removed a small box. "Here you go," he said, "a parting gift. Be sure to eat it before it melts. Come visit again, Francis!"

Alucard grumbled something under his breath as they left the factory grounds. Integra fumbled with the string tied around the box.

"Interesting guy."

"Never thought I'd see him again."

"I never knew you had so many friends." 

"He's not my friend."

"Either way." The string came away. She opened the box. A small, white creature fluttered its wings and crawled out. It was a marshmallow bat. "Oh, how cute." Coaxing the bat back into the box, Integra closed it. "I bet Annie and Seras would love it. I'll ship it home in the next town." She looked at Alucard with amusement. "So how many more of these friends do you have?"

"More than I'd like." He opened the car door for her as the reached the sidewalk. "Where to?"

"I don't know. We forgot to ask for directions."

"We're not going back in there."

"Then let's just drive. We can't possibly get any more lost."

_Four hours later…_

"There's nothing but sand."

"What does that sign say?"

"I think it says 'July'."


	10. Public Service Announcement

BEEP

BEEP

We interrupt this program for a public service announcement.

The following locations have being planned for the traveling path of two certain, much-loved vampires, in no particular order.M

Hogwarts

Halloweentown

Endsville

Xavier's School for the Gifted

Gotham City

Mos Eisley

Hellsing mansion (21st birthday party of a certain half-vampire princess. Alcohol will be involved)

Please note that this list is neither exhaustive nor definitive, depending on general interest of both you and I.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.


	11. July

AUTHOR'S NOTE: couple of new requests came in. Here's the evaluation

FMA - very possible. I suppose since I'm already squeezing Vash in, might as well have more people in red coats

Buffy - no. Never watched Buffy, and didn't really like what I heard about it

Scoobie-doo - no. I don't like Scoobie-doo. Sorry.

And now... let the mayhem begin.

JULY

Pt. 1

Their car broke down.

That's the short version of the reason for their six-mile trek to the town called July in blistering heat. The long version involved a turnip truck, six watermelons, and a couple of young punks that learned the hard way not to mess with sleep-deprived vampires.

Being less vulnerable to sunlight, Alucard had let Integra wear his hat to shield her face during the walk. Once they reached town, she was able to purchase a hooded dress to shield as much of her skin as possible.

July resembled the set to an old western movie. The town was bustling, but it was as if they traveled back in time. Everywhere they looked, there were cowboys, farmers, saloons, horse carts, and the occasional well-dressed Southern belle. And yet, there were remnants of alien technology here and there, such as the light bulb-shaped "plants" that everyone seems to rely on for either livelihood, though no one knows entirely why.

"Weird place," Integra muttered.

"Weirder than Japan?"

"There is no place weirder than Japan."

Alucard had donned his old red coat, in an attempt to keep as much sunlight off himself as possible. He pulled his hat lower as they passed a wooden sign perched outside of a saloon. Integra paused.

"Look at that," she said.

On the sign were several posters. Like the rest of the town, they looked like they were plucked right off a movie screen. Each one bore a drawing of a person's likeness and a bounty price. Integra was pointing at the one in the center.

"Vash the Stampede. Bounty for sixty billion… double dollars?" she muttered to herself. "I wonder if that means a hundred and twenty billion. Neither way, this guy's worth a hell of a lot."

Alucard peeked over her shoulder. The drawing on the board wasn't very good, but what he could see, it was a young man sporting a "broom-style" haircut. He had a goofy look on his face, though Alucard thought his sunglasses were rather stylish.

"And this one." Integra pointed to another poster. "This one's got a pretty high price, too. Fifty million. Looks like a woman. I think the name says Carmen…"

" San Diego!"

Their heads snapped up simultaneously at the sound. A group of men were standing a few yards away. The leader, a broad-backed man in overalls, pointed a meaty finger at Alucard. "That's the one!" he shouted. "Let's get'em and collect the reward!"

Stunned, Integra looked up at Alucard. "Are they talking about us?"

"Does it matter?" Alucard grabbed her arm. "Shall I lay waste to them or run?"

"Run!"

Despite their long, tiring journey to the town, the two vampires had enough energy in them to barely outrun their pursuers. They paused in an alley to rest as the men searched a nearby block. Integra looked at Alucard.

"Did you do something to deserve this?"

Alucard shrugged. "Nothing that I'm aware of. Though I'm sure I've pissed off quite a few people unknowingly in the last six hundred years."

The commotion was getting nearer. Integra stuck her head out of the alley to see if they were being discovered, and something, or someone, smacked right into her. She stumbled back, her eyes seeing stars.

As they began to clear, she heard someone shout "they're over here!". Without a moment's hesitation, she grabbed the sleeve of the red coat in front of her and began to run. It was uncharacteristic for the two of them to be on the run like this. Usually, situations like this called for a good fight.

But facing an army of undead and a group of ignorant hillbillies who mistook her husband for a woman weren't exactly the same thing.

oOo

Alucard turned around for a second to get the sun out of his eyes.

When he turned back, the group of shouting men were entering the alley, brandishing guns and pitchforks, and Integra was nowhere in sight.

_You have got to be kidding me,_ he thought, rolling his eyes at the men. _Oh well, might as well have some fun_.

Wiggling his fingers, he got ready to release one of his illusion spells. He had no intention of killing them. That would draw too much attention, plus it was unnecessary. But it sure had being a while since he got to play a little. After that, he can take his time finding Integra.

"Control Art Restriction Level..."

A strong hand seized his arm.

"There you are!" someone said. "Come on, stop dawdling!"

Before he could protest, Alucard found himself being dragged forcefully away by a tall man in black carrying a large cross.

oOo

Integra was not happy.

July was exceedingly hot and dry. Her hands were starting to blister from overexposure to the sun. She was completely lost, utterly exhausted, and it was the middle of the day, when she should be sleeping somewhere cool and dark instead of trudging through a town half-buried in sand. She wanted a bath and a bed, and had no idea how to get either. On top of that, she was separated from Alucard and had no idea where to being looking for him.

As if all of that wasn't irritating enough, the man she had accidentally mistaken for her husband wouldn't leave her alone.

"Want a donut?" the man, about twenty-five by her estimate and very similar to Alucard in stature, shoved a bag full of pastries under her nose. The smell of fried sugar made her nauseous.

"Ugh," she groaned, pushing it away. "No, thanks."

"Suit yourself," the man said around a mouthful. He was very tall, with a head of bushy blond hair that stood straight up. His fashion sense was quite similar to Alucard's – red coat, boots, and ridiculous red sunglasses. It was no wonder she had confused them at first glance.

Too bad she ran at least a mile before realizing her mistake. Now the man, endlessly cheery, followed her around like a puppy, invading her personal space like no one's business.

"Why don't you leave me alone?" she snapped. He pouted. Actually pouted.

"Aw, come on, lady," he said. "You're the one that dragged me off. I thought you liked me."

"I made a mistake. Leave me alone." She started to walk faster. "I have to find my husband."

"I'll help you," offered the man happily, keeping up with his long stride. "I am a protector of the weak, defender of the peace, and helper of the beautiful ladies." With each self-proclaimed titled, he struck a different ridiculous, cartoonish pose. "All I ask in return is a kiss from the lovely dame."

"In your dreams." Integra kept walking. "Besides, I don't need your protection. I can take care of myself."

"Well I'll tag along anyway." The man grinned. "I'm looking for my buddy. Maybe he's with your husband. And since we are now traveling companions, what is your name?"

Rolling her eyes, Integra said, "Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing."

His smile broadened. "Nice to meet you, Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing," he said, "I am Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III."

oOo

"Let go."

The man with the giant cross didn't seem to be paying him much attention as he dragged Alucard down an empty street.

"You sure are complaining a lot today." He glanced back at the vampire. "Where'd you get that hat? I'd say it's ugly, but at least it's hiding your ridiculous hair, broom-head."

The guy was nuts. If Alucard wasn't somewhat grateful the man had pulled him away from the charging crowd via a hidden route, he would thrash the guy on the spot then leave to go look for Integra. It was better that he didn't mess with that crowd. Integra probably would've gotten upset later.

He was a peculiar-looking man, very out of place in this backwater town. He was dressed in black head to toe, with dark sunglasses shielding his eyes. There was something about the way he walked and talked that betrayed shrewdness, intelligence, and worldliness, very different from the other town folks.

And, of course, there was that ridiculously large cross wrapped in a white cloth that he he was carrying as if it weighed nothing. Unless his senses were being blighted by the sun and heat, Alucard could swear he smelled the distinct scent of gunpowder coming from that thing.

"Look," Alucard said, as patiently as possible. "You got the wrong person. Now if you'll just let me go…"

"Oh no you don't," the man cut him off. "You're not weaseling out of this one. You promised to enter this shooting contest with me and you're going to see it through. We have nearly no money left and, I don't know about you, but I'm not sleeping under a tarp again tonight."

A shooting contest. Something in the back of Alucard's mind peaked in curiosity. This could be interesting. But it didn't change the fact that he was clearly being mistaken for someone else.

"I think those glasses are too dark, buddy."

"I need that money," the man went on, completely ignoring him. "I gotta send some home to the orphanage. Now quit your whining and come on."

The newcomer slowed his step a bit, as if lost in thought. "It might be a bit troublesome if someone recognized you," he said, half to himself, then shrugged. "Oh, well, just down-play it. You don't have to hit every single target to win. Show a little restraint. Just don't get drunk again beforehand."

Alucared eyed that big cross again.

Yes, this could be very interesting.

oOo

_Meanwhile... _

Vash the Stampeded and Integra Hellsing walked into a bar.

This could easily turn into a bad joke; however, the former Hellsing director had more important things on her mind.

The place was filled with men, smelling like sweat, alcohol, and gunpowder. Everyone in this town seemed to have a gun, a fact that made Integra a bit nostalgic for her old days of vampire hunting. Still, it wasn't quite the same. She turned to Vash.

"You," she said. "If you're going to follow me, then don't get in my way. Wait by the door."

Vash saluted goofily. "Yes, ma'am."

Sighing, Integra rolled her eyes. How did she keep meeting these people? It seemed everywhere she went, whatever city or town she was in, there was a local weirdo, and they always found their way to her. She could blame Count D and Willy Wonka on Alucard, but this one she had picked up all on her own.

No matter. First things first. She walked up to the bar, where a skinny man in a wide-brim hat was pouring beer for a group of burly men dressed like a biker gang. They looked up when she approached. She ignored them.

"Barkeep," she said, snapping her finger. "Get me a glass of water."

The skinny man raised his eyebrow. She could sense distain and confusion coming from him. Out of the corner of her eye, she scanned the room. There were a few other women here, but they were either serving or performing for the half-drunk men. It seemed the barkeep was surprised that a woman would speak up to him like this.

Integra was having none of it.

"Did you hear me?" she snapped. "I need a glass of water and a map of this town of you have it."

The barkeep said nothing, but finally got moving, though rather slowly. Sitting down at the bar, Integra drummed her fingers on its surface impatiently. Vash was still standing by the door, whistling nonchalantly.

_It's like traveling back in time,_ she thought to herself, looking at the subservient women again. Suddenly, she was aware that someone had moved rather close to her.

"You lost, little lady?"

The gang at the bar had approached. There were four of them, two on either side of her, and two behind. Three of them had bad teeth, two were very tall, and all of them were carrying guns.

"I'm fine," she said.

"Pretty thing like you shouldn't be traveling alone." One of the tall men was leaning close to her. His breath reeked of onions. "How abouts we show you around?"

"No, thank you." The bartender was taking his time, or perhaps he was hiding. The noise level in the bar had dropped. Everyone was watching them.

_These people have no life_, Integra thought with annoyance. The serving women were watching also, with fear and sympathy in their eyes. They'd probably being through the same thing, and likely were subject to it everyday.

Turning to face the man, Integra met his eyes. Her glare was very strong, boring into the man's beady eyes like a drill. She felt him squirm a little. "Back off," she said, enunciating very clearly.

"Aw, come on, pretty thing," a man behind her cooed. A pair of greasy hands snaked under her arms and squeezed her breasts.

Her first instinct was to kill, which was a remnant of the wartimes, but also enhanced by her newfound vampirism. However, in the split second she had, she decided it wouldn't be a wise thing to do.

So she reached over her head, wrapped her hands around the first neck she found, and flipped it over in front of her onto the floor.

The man hit the hard wood with a loud "thump" as his friend stepped out of the way. There was a moment of shocked silence. The only sound was Vash, who was still whistling as if he had seen nothing out of the ordinary. The man who smelled like onions snarled and spat on the floor.

"You little whore," he growled. In a second there were three gun pointed at her head. "You messin' with the wrong people."

"I told you to back off."

"You're diggin' yer own…"

She grabbed his gun and clocked all three men over the head. They wobbled on the spot, surprised at her speed, then fell as their knees buckled. Integra tossed the gun aside and turned back to the bar.

"Where the hell's my water?"

The skinny bartender appeared. He looked at her, at the men on the floor, at the silent customers, and set a glass of water in front of her with a shaky hand.

"You…" he muttered. "You… you…"

Ignoring him, Integra downed half the glass. It wasn't cold, and tasted like copper and sand, but it was probably the best this place had to offer. "Do you have a map or not?" she asked.

"I… no, I…"

"Fine, then." Turning around, she gestured to Vash. "Pay the man, will ya?"

Vash stopped whistling. "Why do I have to pay?" he whined. "Water's expensive."

"Because you wanted to follow me, now pay him."

Grumbling, Vash walked to the bar, stepping over the unconscious men, and fished a few coins out of his coat pocket. The bartender was staring at Integra.

"You messed with the wrong people, miss," he said in a trembling voice. "That gang… they'll come for you."

"Let'em come." Integra got off her stool. Vash followed.

"That was awesome," he chirped as they walked. "I knew you could take care of yourself."

oOo

AUTHOR'S ADDITIONAL NOTE: I came upon the idea as an afterthought, but can anyone come up with any good jokes that start with "Vash the Stampede and Integra Hellsing walked into a bar?" If you have one, leave it in the review and if I get a lot, I may collect and post them as a story, crediting each person, of course.


	12. July pt 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: you should all thank Silent-Scream84 for this update. There weren't gonna be any updates until next week because I had a horrible take-home final that I just couldn't get done. He graciously helped me out last night (took over an hour of his time), patiently helping me solve the problem I couldn't solve, giving me enough time today to catch up on some writing. If you wish to express your gratitute, go and review his story Deadly and Blonde. It's pretty darn good. In return for his help, he got to beta read what I've written so far on Requiem for Mina (about 5-6 chapters total). So it pays to help me. :-)

The next update will be fairly short. The Trigun segment is wrapping up with the next section so I can move on to Hogwarts.

Leave your review!

JULY

Pt 2

Alucard sat underneath a make-shift awning, surrounded by at least fifty other participants. The air smelled of gunpowder, dirt, and anxiety. Most of the men were silent, polishing their guns and eyeing the others with suspicion. Judging by their edginess, Alucard reasoned that this was no ordinary shooting contest. It was a fight to the death.

The man he had being accompanying out of pure curiosity seemed completely relaxed, however. Leaning back in his chair, he smoked a cigarette nonchalantly, one arm draped across his huge cross, as if this sort of thing was nothing but routine to him.

Based on what he could pick out of the guy's mind, Alucard had gathered some basic information on him. His name was Nicholas D. Wolfwood, and he was a priest. His behavior was rather unusual for a man of God, but after so many years hanging around Anderson, nothing a priest did seemed strange anymore. He had being traveling with a man who dressed suspiciously like Alucard himself. He was blunt in personality and bullheaded in his ways, although he did dress rather sharply. Alucard mused at the face that Anderson should take a lesson in fashion from this guy.

"Just lay low," said the priest. "We gotta let through the preliminaries first. Watch yourself. Don't do too well."

Alucard sighed. Since he was here, he might as well play the role. It's being years since he got to shoot anything. If nothing else, he was going to take this opportunity to exercise some muscles that have gone unused for too long.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean don't make a spectacle of yourself." Wolfwood blew a perfect smoke ring into the air. "Oh, and if you want to stick to that ridiculous 'kill-no-one' philosophy of yours, that's your business. Don't go nagging on me later if someone dies."

He could like this guy, Alucard decided.

"Let's just hope no one recognizes you from that poster," Wolfwood went on. "Sixty billion double dollars will catch you a lot of unwanted attention."

Sixty billion? An image of Integra standing in front of a group of hand-drawn posters floated into Alucard's mind, but he couldn't remember what she'd being saying. Was it possible that the person he'd being mistaken for is…

"Vash-san!"

At first he didn't respond, then Wolfwood slapped him on the shoulder. He looked up in the direction the priest was pointing. Two young women were making their way to him. One was small and petite, with a head of raven black hair, while the other was much taller, with brown hair and large, innocent eyes that reminded him of Seras.

"It's the girls," said the priest, running a hand through his hair and adjusting his collar. "Hey, girls!"

"Wolfwood-san!" exclaimed the tall girl. "Are you and Vash-san entering the shooting contest?"

The priest grinned as Alucard pulled his hat over his face. "That's right! And we're gonna clean up this competition. Ain't that right, Vash?"

Alucard didn't respond. Wolfwood slapped him on the shoulder again. "He's just being quiet today. I think it's something he ate."

A small face suddenly thrust itself two inches from his. Alucard looked up to see the short girl staring him square in the eyes.

"Who the heck are you?" she asked.

Deep down, Alucard was a bit impressed. Most people knew not to address him in such a way just on instinct, even without knowing his identity. But right now he was trying to think of something to say, to get himself out of this ridiculous situation.

"Uh…"

"Hey!" she yelled in his face. "I said who are you?"

"Meryl," said the tall girl. "Don't you recognize Vash-san?"

"This isn't Vash, Milly." The girl pulled away from Alucard and somehow managed to stare down at the priest despite being at least a whole foot shorter. "Where's Vash?" she demanded.

Wolfwood blinked. "Eh?" he uttered, and removed his sunglasses. He looked at Alucard up and down. "Wow, my glasses really are too dark."

"How could you mistake him for Vash?!"

"Meryl, I'm sure Wolfwood-san…"

"I just…"

"You idiot!"

"You two." The argument halted as three pairs of brown eyes and one pair of red diverted their attention to a beefy man who approached them. He made a lazy gesture at Wolfwood and Alucard. "Yer up on the preliminary."

Wolfwood grinned sheepishly. "Um, see…" he muttered, "the thing is…"

"I'll go first."

The girls and the priest turned in surprise as Alucard stood. The only gun he has with him was the Casull. It was no longer loaded with silver bullets, which is a shame, but it'll do for the day. The beefy referee shrugged and walked away.

"Look, you don't have too… If Vash isn't here, we can just withdraw," Wolfwood stammered. "Sorry about dragging you into this. I…"

Alucard waved him off as he headed for the field. "No worries. You need money for an orphanage, don't you? I understand. I got a couple of daughters at home myself."

_Who are going to be extremely jealous when they hear about this,_ he thought with a hidden smirk.

"Yea, but…" Wolfwood scratched his head, "Vash is an exceptional shot."

oOo

Integra trudged through the sandy streets of July, with Vash in tow.

"Why does everyone keep looking at me?"

Vash, hands linked behind his head, shrugged. "Maybe because you look so scary. Besides, news travels. Everyone probably knows that you roughed up that gang by now. They're scared of you."

Integra rubbed her temples. "I need a smoke," she muttered.

"You smoke?"

"Used to. Haven't needed one in a couple of years."

"When we find my buddy, you can bum some cigs off him. He's always got a pack."

"I don't smoke cigarettes."

Vash scoffed. "Picky."

"Get lost."

"Then you'd get lost, too."

"I'm lost now."

"I'm not." Integra stopped in her tracks. Vash bumped into her. "Why'd you stop?"

She turned around, giving him her best death glare, the same one that brought the Nazi organization to its knees several decades ago. Vash didn't even blink. "You know where you're going?"

"I'm following you. Besides," he pointed down the road, "we're headed in the way of the shooting competition that's about to start. I think my buddy's probably there."

A shooting competition. Integra gazed down the road. Chances are, if Alucard wasn't looking for her, he'd probably be there, looking to get into one form of trouble or another. She knew she never should've let him bring the Casull when they left the mansion.

"You couldn't have brought this up earlier?"

"You didn't ask."

"I don't like you."

"I like you a lot." Vash grinned. "I like all pretty ladies."

oOo

Wolfwood, Meryl, and Milly watched, with considerable surprise, as Alucard breezed through the preliminaries and the first three rounds. They were coming up on the semi-finals and he wasn't even breaking a sweat.

"OK," said Meryl after recovering from the initial shock, "I can see why you mistook him for Vash."

"He's so good!" exclaimed Milly with sparkling eyes. "He's just as good as Vash-san!"

"Perhaps," Wolfwood said thoughtfully, his eyes trailed on Alucard intensely, examining his movement. "But this guy is very different. He's ruthless. Even though he hasn't killed anyone yet, something tells me he wouldn't hesitate to if the occasion called for it."

Another man headed onto the field to face Alucard. His knees were shaking.

"Do you see that," Wolfwood said to the girls quietly. "The aura he emits is like a demon's. His opponents can feel it and they're scared senseless."

Meryl nodded. "What a frightening man."

"He says he's got kids." Wolfwood lit another cigarette. "I can't imagine what little monsters a man like that can raise."

"That's not fair!" Milly exclaimed, still looking at Alucard in awe, a fact that seemed to irritate Wolfwood visibly. "All kids are precious. No matter what their father's like. I bet they're cool and handsome, like him!"

Wolfwood chewed on the end of his cigarette and said nothing.

The number of wounded men were increasing on the field as the losers were washed away from the competition. A few casualties had already occurred, as was a standard part of competitions like this. So far, Wolfwood hasn't needed to participate. His new-found companion was taking care of things just fine, though that was another thing that bothered him – this guy enjoyed firing a gun way too much.

"What did you say his name was?" Meryl asked.

Wolfwood shrugged. "Damned if I know."

As the semifinal round wound up, Alucard finally left the field. He sat down on the chair he had occupied before and tucked the Casull into his coat. Meryl opened her mouth.

"Alucard."

She blinked. Alucard smirked.

"You were going to ask my name, weren't you? It's Alucard."

"Uh, yea." Meryl fell silent. Seems she couldn't figure out what to say to the stranger. Milly, however, clapped her hands together happily.

"You must be a fan of vampire stories!" she exclaimed. Wolfwood and Meryl gave her a confused look. Alucard smiled inwardly. The big girl's sharper than she looks.

"I suppose you could say that," he said, leaning back in the chair. The afternoon was whiling away into evening. If they didn't wrap this up soon, night was going to fall and there wouldn't be enough light for the humans.

"So you're not from around here, are you?" asked Wolfwood. "This is a small town. Newcomers stand out. Where are you from?"

"Lots of places."

"Drifter, huh?''

"Something like that."

"Vash-san!"

Meryl turned. "Milly, he's not Vash, remember?"

Excited, Milly grabbed her friend's arm. "No, look, Meryl! That's Vash-san!"

Quickly, Meryl got to her feet and gazed into the distance. Sure enough, the grinning, waving figure approaching was indeed Vash. They finally found him again! She started to rush forward to greet him.

But stopped in her tracks when she saw the gorgeous blond next to him.


	13. July pt 3

BIG NEWS! Today is my graduation from college! Well, and grad school. I was on a fast-track program to get my masters in five years. Today at 7 pm I will receive my bacholors for accounting and masters for MIS (basically, it's business IT) and I will officially be a college graduate, with a masters degree. Yay for me!

Now onto news you actually care about. I have started a livejournal, mostly to help myself think and schedule out my writing projects. If you're remotely interesting, it's at duchessraven dot livejournal dot com. I just started it, and am trying to keep myself on schedule by planning on when the next post dates will be. Also, if you like my stories, there's some other exciting news coming up, but I'm holding off on that because it's a huge MAYBE. Any development and news will probably be posted on the livejournal. Come visit, leave a comment, an idea, suggestion, or any discussion or questions you might have.

Now onto the story. This chapter turned out longer than I expected.

JULY

Pt. 3

She was right.

She was tired, annoyed, and there was sand in her shoes, but Integra was right. As they approached the field where the shooting competition was taking place, she could spot that familiar blob of red at any distance. There was blood in the air, and the scent of fire, remnant from freshly fired guns.

Figures.

As they approached the site, Vash suddenly raise his hand and waved. "Hey look!" he said. "My friends are here, too!"

Integra couldn't care less. She marched right past the curious onlookers toward Alucard. The nerve of him, leaving her to search all over this backwater town to look for him while he was here having his fun.

A small shape blocked her way.

"Who are you?" asked the black-haired girl.

She was not in the mood for this, but the girl refused to budge. "I asked who you are!" she repeated. "And why are you with Vash?"

Integra rolled her eyes. "Look, kid," she said, "it wasn't my choice. Now just get him off of my back."

"I was protecting her," cooed Vash, leaning very close to Integra. "I couldn't leave such a pretty lady to…"

The black-haired girl's face was turning red as Vash went on, but thankfully he stopped. Blinking, he looked at the gun pointed at his forehead.

"Step away from my wife, broom-head," said Alucard.

"I wasn't…"

"Alucard…"

"Vash, who is she?"

"Why are you…"

"Wait!"

All eyes turned to Milly. She cleared her throat, and took a deep breath. "OK!" she said. "Introductions all around! Old Vash-san, meet new Vash-san. His name is Alucard-san. Wolfwood-san picked him up. Alucard-san, this is the old Vash-san. He wears a red coat like you and has a big gun, too." She turned to Integra and grinned. "What's your name?"

Utterly confused, but suddenly disarmed by this girl's pleasant demeanor, Integra replied with her name.

"Alright, Miss Integra," Milly said, "I am Milly, this is Meryl, this is Wolfwood-san, and you already know Vash-san. Alucard-san was helping Wolfwood-san with the shooting contest so he can have money to send back to his orphanage. Alucard-san said he doesn't mind because he has children, too."

There was silence. Integra rubbed the bridge of her nose as the others regarded each other in confusion and surprise, with the exception of Milly, who was standing aside looking very proud of herself.

"Alucard," she said after a moment, "did you neglect to mention that Seras and Anessa are both over twenty years old? Among other things?"

Alucard withdrew his gun from Vash's head. "It never came up."

"I'm sure it didn't." She looked around at the dead and wounded. "Can I assume this is all your fault?"

"It's not. They were shooting at each other."

"It's true," Wolfwood cut in with his best negotiator's smile. "Your husband here was gracious enough to help out. In fact, he managed to advance to the finals without taking a single life. It was almost like broom-head here himself was competing."

Taking one last look at the field, Integra sighed. "Fine," she said to Alucard. "Can we leave now?"

He shrugged. "Sure. These half-wits don't pose much of a challenge anyway. And you," he glanced at Vash, "I assume they mistook me for you. Now that you're here, you can continue the…"

The deafen roar of motors interrupted him. Suddenly, the group found themselves drowning in a cloud of dust as several enormous shapes sped past them. The competition participants scrambled to get out of the way. Cries of fear and surprise filled the air. Integra shielded her eyes from the flying sand with her arms. When she lowered them, the peaceful, albeit somewhat bloody, scene had changed.

Surrounding them was five large vehicles, a kind she had never seen before. They looked like Frankensteins, put together with junky parts and scrap metal. Yet, they were strong and fast, despite looking like they'd taken more than one beating. Perched on top of each one was half a dozen men, each with enormous arms and big guns. Really, it looked ridiculously like some bad western B-movie.

A few of them looked familiar. A skinny man with bad teeth, sitting in the front of the center car, leaned over to another man, who appeared to be the boss, and whispered something. The man smiled. He had a mouthful of gold and silver teeth.

"So," he said, eyes fixated on Integra, "I hear from my boys here that you gave them a hard time."

Wonderful.

Just wonderful. Her newfound companions were looking at her questioningly, as was Alucard. After all, it was rather unusual between the two of them for_ her_ to be the one attracting trouble. Vash, however, was grinning widely and looking rather pleased.

"You should've seen her," he said to the others. "She was great. I think she knocked a couple of teeth out of one of them."

There was a round of metallic clicks. At least twenty guns were pointed at Integra. The gold-toothed boss smiled.

"Most people around here don't live after a stunt like that," he said smugly. "But since you're such a pretty one, I'll let you go if you come over here and say, apologize. Like a good little girl." He made a lewd gesture that made Milly gasp and blush. "And your little girlfriends are welcome to join in."

Integra grabbed Alucard's arm a split second before his hand touched the hilt of gun. She held it down firmly.

"No."

"But…"

"You're not going to kill them. Those days are over."

"It would only take a second."

"No!"

Two figures stepped in front of them. Integra looked up to see Wolfwood and Vash. The priest gestured to them behind his back.

"If you don't mind," he said, "we'll take care of this. Please take cover."

What happened next was almost too fast for the human eye to see. But even as Alucard pulled herself out of the line of fire, Integra saw clearly, the actions of two of the greatest gunmen since her husband.

In one swift motion Wolfwood stripped the enormous cross of its covering. Underneath was pure metal, glistening in the hot sun. The two sides slid open as he crouched behind it, hiding from the barrage of gunfire. Inside the cross were twelve pistols. He withdrew two and fired over the arm of the cross.

"That's some precision shooting," she said, half to herself, as she watched in amazement.

"He's an interesting guy." Alucard shielded her tightly as a bullet skidded off the wall less than an inch away. "Would you stop leaning out? Your regeneration skills are pretty pathetic right now."

Milly and Meryl had found their own cover. Having expected all women in this town to be as subservient as the ones in the true old west, Integra was rather surprised to see that they weren't the least bit willing to be left out of the action. Reaching underneath her cape, Meryl produced a pair of Derringer guns and shot at the nearest vehicle, taking out its tires as Milly slid a heavy concussion gun out from her coat and took aim at the men on top. Two X-shaped claws went flying from it, knocking the men to the ground.

"What are you thinking?" Integra asked Alucard.

"Where was she keeping that thing?"

"Me, too."

"Do they remind you of Annie and Seras?"

"I was about to say."

The only one who hasn't drawn his weapon was Vash. Instead of fighting or hiding, he had made his way from one exposed spot to another. And what he was doing was pretty damn impressive. Even Alucard had to admit that fact.

Ninety seconds passed.

"Someone's going to die."

Integra felt her fists tighten. This was going on too long. There was too much dust in the air and someone was going to make a mistake sooner or later. She nodded. Too many innocent people were involved.

"Alright."

A grin appeared on Alucard's face and for a moment Integra regretted her decision. But it was too late now, and there was only one way to wrap this up as fast as possible.

"Release control art restriction to level one."

The air turned red.

The sky turned black.

All gunfire suddenly ceased as confused eyes gazed around at this strange phenomenon.

Shrieks of terror broke out as they realized that not all the curious eyes had a body attached.

"Monster!" someone shouted.

The gunfight was suddenly forgotten. As the thugs and bystanders trampled each other, fighting to get away first, the detached red eyes simply blinked, watching. The boss man with the golden teeth seems to have suddenly forgotten about Integra's "apology" as he shouted at the driver to get him out of here. Integra wrinkled her nose. More than one of his men had wet their pants.

When the shadows cleared, so had the square that was packed just a moment ago. Integra and Alucard stepped out of the shadows. Meryl and Milly did the same, though looking just a bit apprehensive.

"Neat trick," said Wolfwood, lighting a new cigarette. "You folks are pretty impressive."

"As are you," Alucard replied. "Interesting gear you have there. And you," he turned to Vash, who was grinning sheepishly, "knocking stray bullets out of the way with rocks to protect pedestrians, that's some skill."

"Of course, you folks realize you have to get out of town now." Wolfwood blew a smoke ring casually into the air. "You're gonna have quite a few people after your head."

Integra shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"Or second," Alucard added, "or third, or fourth."

"I hope you come back to visit!" Milly exclaimed. Meryl, who was looking a little embarrassed and confused, smiled and nodded also.

"Not any time soon," Integra muttered under her breath as Alucard approached Wolfwood.

"You're alright," he said to the priest. "I have some friends you should visit."

oOo

_Hellsing mansion… not too long after_

Alexander Anderson dried his hair with a towel and dressed himself. Finally, after much experimentation, they had managed to remove the spell. Annie had brought back a dozen jugs of water from the strange springs in China, conveniently unlabeled. He didn't want to think about the many different shapes he'd taken in the last few days, but at least he was back to normal.

Walter was waiting outside the washroom. "We have some visitors, father," he said.

"Are they from the Convention? Is Anessa not here?"

"No…" Walter said slowly. "They said they're here to 'visit'."

"Visit?"

Following the old butler, Anderson made his way to the front hall, where the strangest sight greeted him.

There were two men, the first of which he had initially mistaken for Alucard, until he saw the head of spiky blond hair and goofy grin. The other was dressed in black, and carrying what appeared to be a huge cross wrapped in a tarp.

Seeing them, the man in black raised a hand, waving and smiling. "Hey," he said around the cigarette in his mouth, "I heard there was a fellow priest here I should visit." Fishing around in his pockets, he produced a funny-looking little house. It look like a model of a church. "I brought my own confessional."

His companion was staring at a painting of Anessa hanging in the hall. "Wow," he said, "is she here?"

Anderson adjusted his glasses and addressed the self-proclaimed priest, who seemed to be the more composed of the two. "May I ask how you came to be here?"

"Oh," the man said, "Mister Alucard and Miss Integra directed us. We met by chance on our route of travel. He said to come here, meet another priest and give the butler –" he turned and pulled down a piece of paper that had being attached to his cross "-this."

Walter took the paper from him. "Alright," he said, "do come in. I will put on some tea."

Anderson seemed apprehensive. "Is this a good idea?" he whispered to Walter.

The butler didn't seem fazed. "I think it will be OK." He unfolded the piece of paper.

_Walter,_ it read, _make me one of these._

oOo

On the outskirts of July, they finally found a secluded inn. The moment they entered their room, Integra drew the drapes and took her hair out of the stuffy hood.

"I hate this town."

"It's not so bad." Alucard sat down on the bed.

"You just like anyplace where fights break out."

"It's being a while since I got to see any action. But that's over now. You look tense." He patted the space next to him on the bed and winked at her. "Why don't you come… relax?"

She glared at him. "Are you kidding me?"

"Uh…"

"There's sand _everywhere_." Taking off her shoes, Integra dumped a small pile of white sand onto the floor. "I need to clean up. Do _not_ try anything."

Alucard sat alone on the bed as the bathroom door slammed shut. He sighed and laid down on the bed.

"I hate this town," he muttered.


	14. Hogwarts

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please be aware that I haven't read any Harry Potter since the last book came out. If there are any discrepancies, try to ignore them. I mean, it is an f-ing complicated universe and I can't cover every little detail. I'm consulting Wikipedia as needed. Nitpickers will be crucioed.

Second, in later chapters, Snape's age won't add up right. Pretend it does. Otherwise it wouldn't be funny. Also, you may notice this conflicts with Chapter 2. That will be addressed later.

Third, I just found out I passed the second section of CPA! (not the one I took this week. That's the third one) Thank you all for your well-wishes. I will celebrate by writing lots. However, gimme some time until the next update. I have a lot of stuff to do.

HOGWARTS

Pt 1

At the moment, once more in her thirteen-year-old form, Integra was regretting certain decisions immensely.

It wasn't that she had chosen vampirism. No, she was dealing with that just fine. She didn't regret leaving Hellsing. Annie was doing a terrific job. She didn't regret marrying Alucard. In a way, they had been married since the day they met, what with the way they bickered and carried on. No, all of that was fine.

What she regretted was letting him pick the travel route.

They were back in London for the moment. Annie's birthday was coming soon and they had planned to visit. However, before they made their way back to the mansion, Alucard had somehow talked her into taking a less-traveled route. For some reason unknown to her, he insisted that they take on the form of children.

"Where are we going?" she asked for the umpteenth time as he dragged her through a crowded street. "And why now?"

He ignored the first question. "Because this is the best day to catch the train."

"Train?"

"You'll see." He stopped in his tracks, she bumped into him and got a face full of long black hair. There was a time when she had been curious as to why his child form had to be so feminine, but there never was a good time to ask.

"Here we are," Alucard announced proudly. Looking up, Integra saw they had stopped in front of a small structure. The sigh read "The Leaky Cauldron".

"A pub?"

"Not just any pub." Taking her by the hand, he led her inside, waving at the bartender as they passed through. "Hey, Tom."

The patrons of the pub were of the strangest caliber. Almost all the tables were occupied. To their left immediately after entering was a group of four, hovered together muttering in a language Integra didn't recognize. All of them had long, beak-like noses. To their right two old women in long, colorful robes were carrying on conversations, each with their beer mugs, which appeared to be talking back. As they reached the backdoor, a chair complained loudly that Integra bumped into it, and a broom agreed heartily that she should apologize.

They emerged in a chilly little courtyard behind the pub, just off of a bustling street.

Integra was stunned.

Their surroundings had completely changed. The pedestrians on the street were even stranger than the occupants of the pub. Here and there were levitating objects, tall, colorful hats, neon robes, and strangely uttered words. The buildings were shaped nothing like anything seen in London, and the people had such a strange air about them.

"Where are we?" she breathed. There was so much to see she felt two eyes weren't enough.

"Diagon Alley," Alucard said casually. "We don't have much time. Two hours, tops. We'll need robes, wands, books... and we should hit the Owl Emporium if there's time."

Integra blinked. "Wait, what? Two hours until what?"

"Until the train." Brushing his long locks aside, Alucard fished in his pockets then turned to his wife. "But first we need to stop by Gringotts."

There were too many questions to ask, but Integra couldn't form a single one as a man in a pointy, horn-shaped, singing hat walked by. Instead, she kept quiet and followed Alucard down the street, letting her eyes drink in the strange splendor all around.

oOo

Gringotts turned out to be a bank. It was a snowy white building that towered over all neighboring shops. They passed through a set of bronze doors, then a pair of silver ones before finally entering the lobby. The main floor was paved with marble and has long counters stretching along its length. There was also a poem inscribed on the front door.

_Enter, stranger, but take heed  
Of what awaits the sin of greed  
For those who take, but do not earn,  
Must pay most dearly in their turn.  
So if you seek beneath our floors  
A treasure that was never yours,  
Thief, you have been warned, beware  
Of finding more than treasure there._

"Catchy," Integra muttered to herself. "What are we doing here?"

"We need some money," Alucard answered as he approached one of the counters."

"We have money."

"None that they'll take here." The counter was a bit tall for his petite body. He stood on tip-toes. Integra did the same, and did a double-take.

"What can I do for you?" asked the thing behind the counter. It was a thing. There was no other way to describe it. Alucard leaned close to her.

"Don't stare," he whispered. "Goblins don't like to be stared at."

Clearing her throat, Integra stepped back. The goblin gave her an annoyed look and turned back to Alucard. "Do you know yer vault number?"

"I do."

"Then let's go." The goblin came out from behind the counter. It had short, stubby legs. It made a gesture to Alucard, then paused to look at Integra. "She's not a Muggle is she? I ain't seen no witch acting like she never seen a goblin before."

Alucard shook his head confidently. "Oh, no. She's no Muggle." He gave the goblin a nudge. "Hurry it up, we don't have all day." He turned to Integra. "Stay here," he said. "And don't, I repeat, _don't_ touch anything. I'll be right back."

With that he was gone, disappeared into a back room with the goblin. Integra wasn't used to being told what to do, especially not to stay in one spot and wait like a little child. She considered following them, or perhaps wander out into the streets and look around. This whole place is crazy.

Two women entered the bank, one had an owl on her shoulder, the other a snake. As they passed her, the beautiful green snake lifted its head and looked at Integra.

"Hey there, little lady," it said.

She decided to stay put.

oOo

The next two hours made Integra's head spin.

After returning from his visit with the goblin with a small sack of what appeared to be gold coins, Alucard led her to even more strange shops filled with even stranger characters. They stopped at Madam Malkin's for two sets of black robes, Flourish & Blott's for a set of books, and Quality Quidditch supplies (though Integra had no idea what Quidditch was) for two brooms of all things. Integra couldn't being to comprehend what they were preparing for. She was dizzy and confused, and with every twist and turn in the alley she only became more frazzled.

Finally, they stopped at a narrow and shabby shop.

"This is the last place," Alucard announced. "If we're going to blend in at Hogwarts, this is the last piece of equipment we'll need."

Juggling all the stuff in her arms, Integra managed to take a peek at the sign. It read "Ollivanders".

"Blend in where?" she asked. "What do pigs have to do with this? What's all this stuff? Why are we trying to blend in?"

"It's a long story."

"I'm not going any further until you explain everything."

"I will, I promise." Taking her sleeve, he pulled her into the shop. "Now come on, if we don't hurry we'll never catch the train."

"The train to _where_?"

"Hogwarts."

"Stop saying that."

"Shh."

A pale-eyed, white-haired man greeted them. He seemed to be quite up there in years, walking slowly and patiently. He studied Alucard and Integra closely, then cracked a crooked smiled.

"Ah, yes" he said to Alucard. "I remember you. Here to pick up your wand?"

oOo

_1946_…

"I can't believe that's a real magic wand," Walter said as Alucard played with the stick. They were strolling down Diagon Alley. Winter was rolling in. The air was chilly. "For that matter, I can't believe we're really in the wizard world. It actually exists."

"One of the best kept secrets of England, my dear Walter." Grinning, Alucard zapped an unsuspecting pedestrian's owl on the tail feather. It squawked loudly and proceeded to empty its bowls on its owner's coat. "Just like myself."

"Why are we here anyway?"

"No reason. I like to drop by every once in a while, see if there's anything new in the shops and if the Ministry of Magic has found new ways to screw this place up."

"I take it their government isn't so efficient?"

"Only slightly better than humans."

"Should we leave now?" Walter looked around apprehensively. "Every time you drag me somewhere I'm afraid we'll wind up in more trouble than we need."

Alucard shrugged. "I suppose. I'm disappointed that no one's opened a decent joke shop here yet. I come back every time hoping, and it never happens."

"Just what I need," Walter muttered, "you with magical practical jokes."

"After one last stop."

"Where?"

"I haven't dropped in on the school in while." Wandering ahead, Alucard tapped his chin with the wand. "I wonder if they've patched up the hole from my last visit."


	15. Hogwarts pt 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: sorry for the late update. I've been having a lot of stuff going on. This segment is gonna turn pretty long. Way longer than I expected. Possibly 4 or 5 or even 6 segments, depending on what I start putting in it as I write.

Review and Enjoy!

HOGWARTS

PT 2

They stood on the platforms of King's Cross Station.

Integra was no stranger to the train station. As a child, her father had often taken her on trips to many of the trains' destinations. Most of these trips were business, though a few were pleasure. Before he took ill, they had rode the rails together regularly to Cambridge, Edinburgh, Hull, and York, just to name a few.

But this time it was different, despite the fact that she looked exactly how she did when she used to travel with her father, which brought back some pleasant, nostalgic memories. As they strolled from platform to platform, she recalled the warm summer days when her father used to lead her by the hand as she gazed at the enormous trains in awe.

Alucard was walking in front of her, reading the signs along the brick columns carefully. He seemed to be looking for something.

Both of them were wearing plain black robes, each carrying several books along with long, thin boxes. Inside were – though she found this hard to believe – their respective magic wands.

The old man Ollivander had being helpful if a bit slow. It seems Alucard had being acquainted with him before. Without a question he retrieved a wand for the senior vampire. A 12-inch mahogany stick, which, according to Alucard, was perfect for transfiguration, not that Integra knew what that meant. Then, after much experimentation and unanswered questions, she found herself holding a wand in her own hand.

It was 13 inches, willow, with an embedded phoenix feather. At first glance, it seemed like any other wand, but the moment she touched it, it hummed, and she could feel the vibration to the very core of her soul. Something within it connected with her, and it was not an unfamiliar feelings.

She felt the same when she first met Alucard.

Speaking of whom, Alucard had come to a halt in front of platform 9. He looked up, then forward at platform 10.

"Here we are," he announced. "We're here."

Shifting the pile of things in her arms, Integra stepped to his side. The train departing from platform 9 was headed to Edinburgh.

" Edinburgh?" she asked. "Why are we all dressed up to go to Edinburgh?"

Alucard grinned. Despite over three decades together, it still made her nervous. "Why no, my dear," he said. "We are not departing from platform 9. Our ride departs from platform 9 and three-quarters."

It took a moment for it to sink it. Integra closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then turned around and started to walk away. Alucard caught her shoulder and stopped her.

"Where are you going?"

"To the mansion. You're clearly not in your right mind."

"You don't trust me?"

"Only a little farther than I can throw you."

"That's good enough for me." Grabbed her hand tightly, he pulled her behind him, heading straight for a brick column.

"Hey, wait a minute!" she cried. "You're going to…"

Then they were through.

She couldn't quite comprehend what happened but they were through. They walked through the brick column, which was nothing new, but the world they emerged in was different. It still looked like King's Crossing somehow, but…

A single train, a beautiful machine unlike anything she'd ever seen before, was stopped at the station. Many children dressed in black robes like their own were boarding it, carrying books, cauldrons, animals, and suitcases. No one stopped to give them a second look. It was all so foreign, and yet just a little familiar. Suddenly, the scattered pieces fell together.

"This is…"

"The Hogwarts Express."

"But… it's not real…" Though never having read the book herself, Integra was aware of the sensation sweeping the world. It couldn't be true… could it? "It's fiction."

"As am I." He led her to the train. "This will be quite an adventure for you."

"You've been before."

"Once every decade or so."

"Why?"

"To see old friends."

Once inside, Alucard found a cabin at the far end of the train and dumped their things on the floor. "We're going to be staying at the school for a few days," he informed Integra. "Try to blend in. They can't know we're there."

Sitting by the window, Integra mused at the impossibility of the situation. "I thought you said you had friends there."

"I have some friends. There are a few people who… aren't so fond of me."

"Big surprise," Integra muttered. "What did you do to them?"

"Let's just say it involved a Hippogrif."

"A what?"

"You'll see." He slid out of the cabin. "I'll be right back."

"Wait, what am I suppose to…" Standing up, Integra quickly followed her husband out of the cabin, but he was already nowhere to be seen. Instead, two figures approached their cabin from the hall. For a moment she thought she was seeing double.

"Well look here, George," said one of them.

"It's a newcomer," said the other.

"In our cabin."

"I don't mind. She's a pretty little thing."

"That she is. We ought to give her a proper gift of introduction."

"You said it, Fred." The red-headed boys reached into their pockets and produced identical pieces of candy, which they presented to a very confused and apprehensive Integra.

"Canary Cream for the lady?" they asked simultaneously.

oOo

_1946… _

Severus Snape hated being a teenager.

It's bad enough that you're thirteen, you're pale, and your hair is perpetually greasy despite how many times you wash it, but the other kids who are lucky enough not to be plagued with similar problems won't stop teasing you for it. Worse when they cast Rooted Acne when your back is turned.

Grumbling under his breath about the general annoyances of Hogwarts and its occupants, Severus stalked to the bathroom. It was much too late for him to be out of the Slytherin common room, but he wanted to use a bathroom as far away from his roommates as possible, for fear of booby-traps. The only disadvantage of this was running into Moaning Myrtle, but that he could deal with.

At such a tender age, he had more than his share of problems. His dysfunctional family, his less-than-amicable peers, the scathing looks from the teachers due to his interest in the dark arts. Still, he had this passions in life. Potions, for one. Though it wasn't as fascinating as dark arts and defense magic, he's always fancied potions, the many ways one can manipulate ingredients to concoct millions of combinations. To say he was good at it was an understatement. He had a true talent. Even at the moment he was working on a pet project, a potion that involved a particularly rare ingredient.

Taking care to avoid the prefects on night patrol, he made his way to Myrtle's bathroom. The school was quiet in the dead of night, no one around but the occasional ghost suffering from insomnia. He pushed open the door, his mind busily rehashing the formula he planned the attempt after the dungeons empties of its last students tomorrow.

"Why do I listen to you?!"

The sound of a human voice startled him. Someone was in the bathroom besides him? At this hour? Instinctively, he stepped aside behind the door and peeked out from behind it.

Someone was indeed there. Two, actually. From where he was he couldn't make out much about their aside from the fact that one was taller than the other.

"Why?" the taller figure exclaimed. He seemed to be a boy of about sixteen, dressed in Muggle clothing. "Why, why, why?" he continued as he paced about, looking rather frustrated. "Why do I follow you to these places? All you do is get me in trouble!"

The shorter figure was hidden in the shadows. Severus extended his neck a little more as he caught a silky, feminine voice. "Oh, pipe down, Walter," it said pleasantly. "No one's found us yet. Besides, we'll be out of here soon enough."

"That's what you said an hour ago!"

"Well, this place changes from time to time. This door used to lead to a flight of stairs."

"I'm sick of this place." The young man named Walter stopped his pacing and looking around. "The doors move, the stairs shift, the paintings talk… it's creeping me out."

"Why? The fat lady in pink said you were rather dashing."

"We shouldn't be here! If they find us they're going to zap us into the next dimension with those sticks."

"Wands."

"Whatever."

"Can't you phase through the walls and look for a way out?"

"Don't be ridiculous. This place is so heavily armed with charms against dark magic that I'm barely holding my form together."

As they bickered, the small figure stepped into the light. Severus squinted. It was a girl. She was slim, petite and very, very pretty. Dressed from head to toe in white, her fair features were framed by long, dark locks smooth as silk.

A wispy shape appeared from one of the stalls. Myrtle, her hair in pigtails, grinned at the pair of visitors. Walter jumped. But the girl simply smiled.

"Hello, Myrtle," she said. "Long time no see."

"Long time is right, Alucard," Myrtle squeaked as she drifted around them, making Walter very nervous. "You never come to visit anymore."

"It's been rather hard since Dumbledore banned me for making that hole in the east wing."

"I knew that was your work." Myrtle moved close to Walter and studied him closely. "You brought such a cute friend. What's your name?"

Walter shifted his eyes nervously, then took a step back and said nothing. The girl named Alucard, an exotic name whose original Severus could not place, shook her head and chuckled. Myrtle giggled.

"So shy," she said. "But that's OK. I have to go anyway. If you're looking for a way out, there is a boy over there who's been watching you." She gave one last twirl in the air in front of Walter and disappeared into the nearest stall.

The pair of strangers turned to him and Severus suddenly felt their eyes bore into his skull. Such strong presence they had! Suddenly, venturing this far from the dorms didn't seem like a good idea anymore. As quickly and stealthily as he could manage, he tried to slip out the door, only to have it slam shut a second before he could. Alarmed, the turned around as the two figures approached him. Had one of them shut the door? It must have been the girl, for she had a wand.

"Don't worry," she purred as they drew near. "We're not going to hurt you."

Now that they were in front of him, he could get a better look at them. Walter was quite tall and slim, and to say he was handsome would be an understatement. He looked like a prince of royal birth, sharp in both looks and tongue. In short, he looks like he'd fit right in sitting aside laughing as other boys like him dunked Severus's head in a toilet.

Alucard was, as he had suspected initially, very pretty. The lines of her features were even finer up close, and her hair was like heavenly harp strings. She was pale, and her eyes were red, but red eyes were nothing out of the ordinary. Either she was a hybrid with another species or had a fetish for Cosmetic spells. As she leaned in close, Severus felt his heartbeat speed up.

"What's your name?" she asked, her wand pointed at his throat.

"S-Severus," he stuttered. Having girls in this proximity was a new thing to him. He glanced at Walter again. No doubt he was her boyfriend. Girls like this were usually squired by boys like him.

"Don't worry about him," Alucard said. "I'm the one you need to worry about. Now tell me, Severus, what are you doing out at this time of night? You know it's against House rules, don't you?"

She knew the rules of Hogwarts. Certainly not an ordinary Muggle. But then she must know that the two of them were on its grounds illegally, as they were obviously not students. The rules called for anyone who discovered intruders to activate the nearest alarm charm.

That was the sole leverage he had against them should they mean him harm. Severus cleared his throat as he slowly drew his own wand, as discretely as possible. "What's it to you?" he asked. "You're not supposed to be here."

Alucard laughed. "How gutsy you are," she said as she pushed the wand against the skin of his neck. "I don't need this to kill you, you know. And by the way," – with a movement too fast for him to catch, she snatched his wand out of his hand and tossed it unceremoniously over her should – "that wouldn't have done any good against me." Leaning ever closer, her lips nearly touching his face, she whispered, "now just be a good boy…"

"Oh stow it!" Walter stepped forward and shoved his companion aside. "Look," he said to Severus, "I know we're not supposed to be here, but we're lost. Just tell us how to get out and we won't bother you again."

This surprised Severus. But before he could reply, Alucard was in front of him again. She sneered at Walter over her shoulder. "What's the matter?" she cooed. "Jealous? As I recall, you were the one who said you didn't want to…"

"Not now!" Walter snapped. He was looking a bit red in the face. "Just ask him how to get out!"

Still smirking, she turned back to Severus, still standing so unnervingly close. "Tell you what," she said, her cold breath tickling his skin, "I'll make you a trade. What is it that you want in exchange?"

Honestly, there was nothing Severus wanted that the girl could give him, at least he didn't think so. His mind raced. What did he want? Acceptance? Friends? Clean hair? Nothing fitting came to mind. What he ought to do was take the time to raise the alarm so the prefects could come catch the intruders, but…

She kept looking at him, and she was so pretty. If he didn't know better he'd think she was clouding his mind on purpose. But only very powerful wizards and witches could manage such things without uttering an incantation, and he hadn't heard her speak a word to that effect. He thought he even felt light, invisible tendrils probing his brain. Surely she wasn't…

"Vampire blood," she suddenly said.

He started. "What?"

"So that's what you want," she said. "Now what could you possibly be concocting with such a valuable ingredient?"

She _had_ read his mind! Not only that, she had picked out the one thing that was important to him: the pet project formula that was finally going to get him some recognition from his peers and professors. He cleared his throat.

"It's none of your business."

She laughed. "Alright," she said. "That's fine. If I give some of my blood to you, would you tell us how to get out of here?"

Her ruby eyes sparkled. Severus's own eyes widened in surprise. A real vampire on school grounds? It couldn't be…

"You don't believe me," she continued. "That's OK. You seem like a bright boy. You must know that the most reliable way to identify vampire blood is through taste."

Before he could ask questions, or even utter a protest, her tongue was in his mouth, her cold lips pressed against his. Having never been kissed by a girl before, or even stood this close to one, it sent his heart racing. Blood pounded in his ears as she kissed him. Then he tasted her blood. She had bitten her tongue or lip so he could taste it. It sent a light buzz down his spine, a high that no sugar or drug could produce. She was not only a vampire, she was a rare, pure-blooded one. The taste of her blood made him dizzy.

In his ecstasy, he didn't notice Walter standing to the side, his arms crossed and his face red, looking away and trying furiously to pretend that he wasn't jealous.


	16. Hogwarts pt 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE: finally an update! The madness continues. Also, as a note, there is NOT a lot of content regarding the actual Harry Potter stories here, since this is told from Integra's point of view, and she doesn't know all of that stuff.

Enjoy & Review!

HOGWARTS pt 3

Integra sat uncomfortably in the train's cabin, tapping her wand against her leg. There was a red-haired boy on either side of her, gazing at her with mirrored amusement. The candy they offered her was in her hand. Something told her it was a better idea not to eat them.

"Will you not try our treat?" one of them asked.

"We made them ourselves," said the other.

She looked from one to the other. They were completely and utterly identical, from their blazing hair to their mischievous eyes. "Maybe later," she said, and made a mental note to get rid of the candies at the next available chance.

The both scooted closer to her. "So, are you a first-year?" the one on the left asked.

She hesitated, trying to think of the most convincing answer. They were headed towards a school, and naturally, being a "first-year" would excuse her lack of experience and knowledge. "Yes," she said.

"Well good then," said the one on the right. "You'll like it. There's plenty of good people to hang around. Like us. Fred Weasley."

"George Weasley," the one on the left chimed in.

"We're brothers."

"Twins."

"Sometimes our own mum has trouble telling us apart. All we have to do is say, 'Hi, Fred!'"

"Hi, George!"

"Pleased to meet you," they said simultaneously and shook hands over her lap, grinning widely.

"People will tell you we're troublemakers."

"We're not."

"Our gifts simply lie outside of academics."

"It's a prejudice, I tell you."

"Just because we were born on the Fool's Day."

For no apparent reason, they rose and switched seats. "Advice for first years: get into a good House."

"Don't tease the mandrakes."

"Dragons are fine and tame in nature, until you try to get them to act as such."

"Feel free to give Mrs. Norris a good kick..."

"...Just don't let Filch catch you."

Integra felt dizzy. The two boys prattled on, cutting each other off and finishing each other's sentences. She'd long lost track of which one was which and was becoming increasingly convinced that, whatever it was they were doing, it was done to drive her nuts. She looked down at the wand in her hand and wondered if she could really hex them to get them to shut up.

The cabin door banged open.

"There you are!"

The two boys looked up. "'Ello, 'Mione!" they said together.

A girl with bushy brown hair stepped into the cabin and looked at Fred and George with exasperation. Two more people followed her. One was a boy with hair and freckles identical to the twins. He regarded Integra with mild curiosity and gave her a friendly nod. The other was also a boy, a bit shorter, with messy black hair and glasses. The moment he stepped inside, Integra's sixth sense tingled. He was different from the others. As one who has been exposed to and taught many forms of dark magic, she could immediately identify its traces on him. Though the magic they used was clearly different, there were undeniable similarities.

She shook her head. This wasn't any of her business. The brown-haired girl shoved one of the twins aside and sad down next to Integra.

"Are they bothering you?"

The twins gasped in mock shock. "Bother her?? You wound us."

Ignoring them, she smiled at Integra. "I'm Hermione Granger," she said, pointing to the other occupants. "That's Ron, his brothers Fred and George, and this is Harry."

The dark-haired boy nodded at her and smiled. He looked tired.

"You're a first year, aren't you?" Integra nodded. "It may seem a bit scary at first, but you'll pick up soon enough. We're third-years. Fred and George are fifth-years. We're all in Gryffindor together; perhaps you will be too."

"Aw no," one of the twins griped. "What are the chances a girl that pretty will be in our House? All the girls in our house are quite…"

Hermione glared at them. The boy wisely shut up, but the grin on his face never faded.

"You'll like it here," offered Ron. Harry nodded in agreement and extended a hand.

"Welcome to Hogwart's."

oOo

Professor Severus Snape sat at his desk, piles of Potions papers scattered across the room. He performed an _ accio_ spell to gather them and proceeded to flip through them. Rubbish, most of it was. The majority of them were summer homework assignments given over the break. The students had grumbled and whined to no avail, so they decided to fudge instead. Sighing, he took his quill and made his usual marks. At least Hermione Granger's would be prim and polished. One less to worry about before the introduction ceremonies.

It took him a moment to notice the small figure standing at this door. He didn't look up.

"Go to the Great Hall," he said.

The figure didn't move. Probably a confused first-year. Despite the professors' efforts to keep all the new students rounded up, there were a few straglers every year. Snape raised his quill and pointed.

"Down the East stairs," he snapped.

Instead of leaving, the newcomer took a step inside his office. Frowning, Snape set down his quill and prepared to give the insolent student a few lashes of his tongue, which tied as soon as he saw the pale face set below the long, dark locks.

"Evening, Severus," said the "child". "I trust you remember that favor you owe me."

Snape rubbed his temples. "Oh Merlin," he muttered. "Not you again."

oOo

Hogwarts was a sight to behold.

They arrived in the evening. The castle looming in the distance might as well have been dumped straight out of the pages of a dark fantasy. Its presence was breathtaking. Mistaking her admiring gaze for apprehension, Hermione squeezed Integra's arm.

"Don't worry," she said. "It only looks scary from the outside." She pointed to a river that separated the train from the school. "First years will be taking the boats. The rest of us will be on carriages. Over there."

Following her gesture, Integra's gaze landed on a series of carriages, but it was not them that attracted her eyes. It was the creatures pulling them. They looked almost like winged horses, had they been dead six months. The creatures had dark, leathery skin that wrapped tightly around their skeletal, fleshless frames and wings. One of them turned her way and she could almost feel the chill down her spine.

"What are those?"

Hermione, Ron, and Harry gave her a curious look. "What?"

"Pulling the carriages."

Ron chuckled. "The first years are always shocked to see those," he said. "Just remember, we're not in the muggle world anymore. Carriages sometimes pull themselves here."

"But…"

There was a call for assembly. Hermione and the rest of the gang gave her a quick wave. "We'll see you at the sorting," one of them called, and they vanished into the crowd before she could ask further.

"Don't worry," said an airy voice that nearly made her jump. Integra spun around to see a girl with straggly, waist-length blond hair nearly as pale as her own. She looked at Integra with dreamy silver eyes. "You're not going crazy. They're called Thestrals. You can only see them if you've seen death."

This world was almost too strange for a normal mind to bear. Luckily, Integra'd seen quadruple her share of strange things in her lifetime. An enormous man standing by the river was calling for the First Years to get on the boats. Eyeing the Thestrals one last time, she shrugged.

"All right, then," she said, and made her way to the nearest boat. Surely there would be more odd things to see along the way, but for now she preferred to stay out of trouble and draw little attention to herself. After all, Alucard was probably causing enough for the both of them.

Speaking of which, she hasn't seen her husband since his disappearance from the train. Craning her neck, she tried to see the other first-year students, just in case he was hiding amongst them, to no avail. Had he already made his way to the castle to see his "friends"? Or maybe the hairy, gigantic man was one of the people not so "fond" of him. Though the giant looked friendly enough, Integra wouldn't want to see the man truly angry.

Once inside the castle, they were ushered to a vast hall through double doors. There were four long tables set parallel to each other. At the front of the room was a raised platform, where several older men and women sat. Integra assumed they were the teachers. One of the seats was empty. The hall was even more amazing than the castle in her eyes. For one, it appeared not to have a ceiling. Thousands of stars gazed down at the students. High mullioned windows showed the grounds outside. Hundreds of candles floated in midair. She saw the gang she met on the train waving at her from one of the tables.

An elderly man with a Merlin-style beard stepped up to the podium. Looking around anxiously, Integra wasn't quite listening to what he was saying, until a few words caught her ear.

"Now, would the First Years please line up alphabetically for the Sorting Ceremony."

That was it.

As the other students got in line, Integra considered bolting. She was just getting the hang of shadow concealment. If she got out before someone realized that her name wasn't on the list, then she could roam the grounds before the ceremony vwas over and look for Alucard. Whatever it was he was doing, it certainly wasn't worth the trouble. She wasn't one to fear the unknown, but these people were different from zombies and vampires. If they found out she was a trespasser, she didn't want to know what those wooden sticks they carrie around could do to her.

She flexed her arms as subtlety as possible, loosening her form.

Nothing.

She tried again.

Nothing.

Was she doing it wrong? After all, she was still a newbie to vampire magic. She tried again, concentrating hard. Her body didn't respond. More that that, she noticed, her sixth sense was dulled to a murmur.

This school had its own power, one that trumped hers by far.

"Hellsing, Integral F. W."

Her head snapped up, thinking she had heard wrong. The elder man was looking at her, beckoning for her to come onto the platform. She hesitated.

"Integral?"

She looked to her right. The entire hall of students was watching her. She looked to her right. The panel of teachers were gazing at her expectantly. She stepped onto the platform. Sitting on a lone chair was an old hat. Compared to the rest of what she'd seen so far, that wasn't so strange. Then it looked at her with wrinkly eyes and spoke.

"Well then," it said gruffly. "Hurry along."

The elderly man, whom Integra had decided must be the headmaster, picked up the hat and placed it on top of her blond mane. It tickled her brain, the same way Alucard's mind reading did, except the hat was being a lot less subtle about it. It prodded, poked, and searched.

"Hmm…" it muttered. "Brave… smart… a bit stubborn… kind… _Gryffindor_!"

A cheer erupted from one of the tables. The hat was taken off of her head and someone ushered her to join the cheering table. It was the same table that bore Hermione, Harry, and the Weasley boys.

"Good job, mate," said one of the twins. "Gryffindor is the best House there is."

Harry shrugged. "I tend to agree. After all…"

He was cut off by a loud slam. All eyes turned to the double doors. There stood a dark-robed man with greasy hair and crooked nose. Standing beside him was a familiar-looking child with midnight-black hair. The Merlin-bearded headmaster looked up.

"Ah," he said. "Professor Snape. We were just wondering if you were going to join us. And who is this?"

"Great," Integra heard Ron whisper. "And here I thought the new year was off to a good start."

"My apologies, headmaster," the newcomer said. There was a hushed silence in the hall, as if his presence brought a shadow over the student body. "I had come upon a certain… stray student and thought it my duty to usher her this way. She will need to be… sorted."

He spoke as if forced. The "student", however, was smiling pleasantly. Integra gaped at her husband, standing roughly five feet tall and dressed neatly in black wizard's robes. What was he up to?

Someone cleared their throat. It was a severe-looking woman in emerald green robes at the head table. She recognized him, Integra realized. She was one of the ones who was not so fond of him.

The headmaster adjusted his glasses. "Well then," he said to Alucard. "Glad to have you with us. Why don't you join the other students?"

Grinning, he did was he was told. As he walked past the Gryffindor table, Integra glared at him.

_What on earth are you doing?_

_Just sit tight._

For the rest of the sorting ceremony, she kept her eyes on him. Finally, it was his turn at the Sorting Hat.

"Victoria, Seras."

Had she been drinking, she would've sprayed a mouthful on the back of Hermione's head. Eyes wide, she watched him strut onto the platform. Without waiting for the headmaster, he grabbed the hat and set it on his head. Instantly, it let out a devastating screech.

"_Get it off!_" it shrieked. "_For Merlin's sake, get it off!_"


	17. Hogwarts pt 4

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just wanna make sure everyone is familiar with the old "why did the chicken cross the road" joke.

HOGWARTS PT. 4

Half the students in the hall got to their feet. The other half craned their necks to see. Integra heard Ron say as he rose, "Blimey, what'd that girl do to the Hat?"

The headmaster quickly stepped forward and plucked the hat off of "Seras", who simply stood there looking rather pleased with herself. The Sorting Hat gave her a disgruntled look and let out a noise that sounded like "Hmph!"

"Slytherin," it grunted.

For the first time, no one cheered, not even the Slytherin students, as the dark-haired "girl" bounded off the stage in high spirits and took a seat at the proper table. A small circle cleared around her, as if she had a radioactivity symbol tattooed to her forehead.

"Would you look at that," said Harry. "Someone is finally too scary even for the Slytherins."

Integra remained silent and seated as Alucard fiddled with his thumbs and pretended nothing was wrong. Even the teachers were giving him odd looks. All except two – the greasy professor named Snape and the green-robed woman. Integra thought they exchanged a look then quickly looked away again.

"Well," said the headmaster, adjusting his glasses. "I suppose that wraps up the sorting ceremony. You may now return to your respective houses. Your luggage has already being transported to your assigned rooms."

And so ended the Hellsings' first evening at Hogwarts.

oOo

For the next few days Integra saw very little of her husband. Instead, she found herself doing something she hasn't done for several decades – being swamped by schoolwork. Having being home schooled, Hogwarts was already an entirely new experience, add magic on top, and it was like stepped into a foreign dimension. She would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy it.

Each house had its own tower, with four people to a dorm. There was also a common room to hang out in. One of her roommates was Hermione Granger, whom she had come to realize was a "nerd" of the highest order. The girl was always studying, and Harry and Ron constantly badgered her for help with their homework. She did the same. How else was she to write twelve inches on the creative uses of mandrake roots?

In structure, Hogwarts was very much like any other boarding school. Her classes were all laid out. She started the morning with History of Magic, then Charms, followed by Herbology, Potions, Transfiguration, and Defense against Dark Arts. Since the students of each house apparently took classes together, she never saw Alucard except briefly from a distance. He was up to something, she just knew it. If she didn't have three projects due for Charms, she would go find out what it was.

The head of her house was Minerva McGonagall, who taught transfigurations. She was the same woman who recognized Alucard. Integra kept minimal eye-contact with the woman, as she was certain McGonagall had long figured out what she was and who she was with. If confronted, she didn't plan to lie, but so far the professor had said nothing, so she kept her head down and concentrated on turning a button into a beetle.

One day, her class was allowed to join the third years in their Care of Magical Creatures class, which was taught by the giant man who ferried the first years on the boats. He was a very nice guy, Integra could tell immediately, but not the greatest instructor. He was somewhat nervous as he introduced the group to a herd of Hippogriffs. They were magnificent creatures to say the least, calm and powerful. Integra felt awed in their presence. She was admiring their beautiful plumage when someone raised their hand.

"Is it true someone once roused the Hippogriffs so much that they stampeded through a wall in the east wing, that had to be magically repaired?"

_Oh._

As the giant fumbled about for an obscure answer, Integra made a mental note not to ever let Alucard near any magical creatures that have capacities for destruction. She was sure though, that at the time, Alucard thought it was hilarious.

A little more than a week passed before she finally came face to face with him again. As she was walking down an east hall after class, a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around her waist, pulling her into a corner. She didn't have to see the near head of black hair to know who it was.

"Stop that," she said as the "girl" smelled her hair. "We're in a school and we look eleven years old."

Alucard held her tighter. "Did you miss me?" he cooed in his regular voice. Coming out of a little girl's mouth, it made Integra shudder. Rolling her eyes, she pushed him away, ignoring the disappointment in his eyes.

"What are we doing here?" she demanded. "Masquerading as students? In a school of magic, no less? How much longer do we have to stay here?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, actually. I'll try to make it quick but…"

"Make _what_ quick?"

He winked at her. She could almost hear the breaking glass, because, of course, something _was _going to break. Every time he winked at her, something broke; usually something valuable. Annie had done the same thing from the ages four to nine. When they finally left, she would be awfully surprised if it wasn't being chased out by people with blazing wands. Taking the chance as she paused to think about all of this, he scooted in closer and began to nuzzle her neck. She slapped him on the back of the head. "Quit it."

"You shouldn't get too close to Gryffindors."

The voice made her whirl around as Alucard took a step back. A tall boy with sleek white-blond hair was standing not far away. He had a pale, pointed face and grey eyes. That was not to say he wasn't good-looking; in fact, he was quite handsome in the classical sense, a cruel kind of beauty mixed with arrogance and misplaced pride. Integra knew the kind well – she could usually find one staring at her cleavage at any social gathering she was forced to attend--Robert Conningwell came unpleasantly to mind.

Behind the boy were two others. From the looks of them, they were "stooges"; lacking intelligence, talent, and independent thought in general. The blond was obviously the leader. This was all too typical.

"Since you're a first-year, Seras," he was saying to Alucard, "I thought I ought to educate you on this: Gryffindors are bad news, especially"—he glanced at Integra with obvious distain—"mudbloods like this one."

The word seemed to carry a sting, even though she didn't know what it referred to. It was definitely an insult. This kid's superiority complex reminded her of Enrico Maxwell. "Mudblood?" she asked chillingly.

"Your parents are Muggles, aren't they?"

She learned the meaning of that word on the first day. "Yes, they are."

The boy laughed derisively. The other two behind him followed. "Can I call it, or what?" he said to them. He turned back to Alucard. "Come on, Seras. If you're going to fit in here, you ought to keep more suitable company."

Now he was expecting Alucard to walk off with them and leave her hanging. She knew this all too well. This kid would grow up thinking he was better than everyone else around him, and who could blame him? His parents were probably the exact same way, close-minded purebloods. There were plenty like him in the circle of English royalty. Integra had never been so glad she had kept her own daughter out of that circle.

Straightening, she walked up to the blond boy, who seemed a bit surprised at her boldness, but he didn't back away. She stopped just short of violating his personal space.

"What's your name?" she asked, using the same tone she did when questioning a new recruit.

The boy squirmed under his robe, but he was good at not letting it show. Integra was slightly impressed. "Draco Malfoy," he said. "You should remember it, Mudblood."

She brushed the insult aside. "Nice name," she said. "I know you very well, Draco Malfoy. You're rich, cute, popular, and think you're pretty smart. Your parents probably own half the world and have the other half on rent. You travel in the best cars, go to the most popular places, and the girls fall all over you. But you know what?" she leaned in close.

"Wha…"

"One of these days you're going to be old, decrepit, and dying alone, wondering why no one bothers to visit you. Even your stooges won't be around because they never liked you in the first place. Your trophy wife will have ditched you for a younger man and your kids will be snot-nosed brats just like you, who never visit or call. So why don't you just go enjoy your life now, while you've got it, and put some _more_ gel in your hair?"

The boy's mouth opened, then closed. She didn't need magic or vampiric hypnosis to break someone down. She'd done it with dozens of arrogant young soldiers and at this point it was nothing but a party trick. She turned her attention to the two stooges. "You," she said to them, "fix you hair. And you, tuck your collar in."

Without a word, they obeyed in an almost frantic manner. Draco glared at her for, probably for cutting him down within the earshot of at least a dozen students, and hustled off with, his stooges close behind. Integra watched him go as Alucard wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Thanks, love," he said, this time in the voice of a little girl. Integra couldn't decide which was worse. "He's been following me around for days."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say he fancies you."

"He does. Just like his old man did. Those Malfoys are all the same."

She pushed him away once more. "I don't care about him. When are we going to get out of here? I think Professor McGonagall caught on a long time ago, and I don't know how much longer I can take Potions in that dungeon with that creepy Professor…"

"Severus is helping me with something."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Figured you'd make friends with _that_ one."

"Severus is perfectly pleasant when you get to know him." A pause. "Alright, he's bitter and greasy, but he owes me a favor and I'm collecting."

"I shudder to think what kind of favor it is."

"You'll find out in good time."

_That's what I'm afraid of_, she thought to herself. Out loud, she said, "Fine. I'm late for Herbology."

He grabbed her arm as she started to walk away. "Integra," he said, suddenly serious, "we _must_ stay out of sight and keep a low profile right now, but I want you to be careful. This world is very dangerous."

She turned back. "What's dangerous about it?"

"There is a war brewing, and we're not part of it, though I did make a promise a long time ago to stand on the school's side and fight if needed. That may happen while we're here."

"You didn't happen to make that promise as a repayment for driving those Hippogriffs through a wall, did you?"

He blinked. "Well, yes," he replied. "Boy, do those things get _angry _when you ask them why they crossed the road."


	18. Hogwarts pt 5

AUTHOR'S NOTE: final chapter of the HP arc. I took suggestions on patronus forms on livejournal. If you wanted to participate, well... you should've gone to livejournal. Anyway, this is the later chapter for an indefinite amount of time while I catch up on other stories. Well, Enjoy & Review!

HOGWARTS PT. 5

Integra liked Potions.

It would be an exceedingly interesting and enjoyable class if Professor Snape wasn't constantly hovering over her. Even the other students were starting to take notice of this fact. Though having Snape drift about the desks while they worked, making snide remarks on the quality of their potions, was nothing new, the new blond girl seemed to warrant extra attention. They hadn't seen a new student receive this much scrutinizing since the arrival of the famous Harry Potter.

Integra, on her part, kept her nose low and pretended not to notice. It was obvious Snape suspected her involvement with "Seras Victoria" of his house, but had no way of proving it. After all, her outward appearance was entirely normal, and the potions she brewed were no better or worse than anyone else.

"What did you do to Snape?" her partner, a blond, good-natured boy named Colin Creevey, asked as they sliced up mandrake roots. "Every time you get near him I think he's was going to have a bloody aneurism."

She shrugged and dropped the sliced roots into the boiling cauldron. "I have no idea."

This went on for a few days. Every time she left the classroom she expected Snape to stop her and grill her in private about her relationship to Alucard and what in Merlin's name were they doing here in the first place. But he never did. Instead, he simply watched her with those murky eyes over his hook nose. Honestly, he wasn't such a bad looking man, if he just loosened those brows once in a while.

Another four or five days passed before she saw Alucard again, but this time under different circumstances.

As the students busied themselves setting up for class, Snape walked in. A hushed silence fell over the room as usual, followed by a very soft murmur as they saw the dark-haired girl who followed him.

"Blimey," someone whispered, "it's that girl."

"The one who hexed the Sorting Hat."

The gossip flowing around was that a girl named "Seras" had somehow managed to hex or jinx the Sorting Hat at the sorting ceremony as a prank. Integra supposed it wasn't too far from the truth.

"One of the students from the Slytherin house will be joining our class today," Snape said in a tone as if daring someone to argue with him. "She will be working on a special project in the back. Do not disturb her."

Smiling broadly, Alucard raised one hand and waved pleasantly at the class. Seeing Integra out of the corner of his eye, he winked in her general direction, then quickly turned away again. As Snape began to write instructions for the day's potion on the board, Integra noticed Creevey blushing.

"She's so pretty," she heard him say, half to himself. "I bet she's half-Veela. Did you see her wink at me?"

She rolled her eyes. He had to enjoy this. He must know how the boys reacted to him. Why else would he take on that flirtatious form? Recalling that he once mentioned he stayed in this form for extended amounts of time in the '40s, she wondered if Walter was hiding a few stories from her.

"Sleeping Draught," Snape said flatly, pointing at the instructions he had just completed. "Ingredients are in their usual place."

As she followed the students to the back of the classroom to gather up ingredients, Integra peeked over the crowd to see Alucard and Snape exchanging hushed words. Her sharpened vampire senses could pick up bits and pieces.

"Don't break anything," she heard Snape say. "Anything!"

It wasn't until the other students had returned to their seats that Alucard made his own way to the cabinet where ingredients were stored. A few students glanced back, curious to see what secret project the strange Slytherin girl was working on, but after a few sound smacks to the head by Snape, they focused on their work. Integra and Creevey prepared their cauldron. Every now and then, she looked to the back of the room.

Alucard had found a cauldron for himself, and was busy with at least a dozen ingredients. From the way he worked, this was definitely not his first time. Moving lightening fast, he mixed several liquids, broke off a piece of sickly looking root, and boiled it all together, stirring occasionally with his wand. Integra felt a slight twinge of envy. Her own potion was slowly taking on the consistency and smell of old tar.

She stirred her own potion, keeping half her mind on it, and half on Alucard. Perhaps, she dared to venture, that this time nothing will go wrong. He seemed to truly know what he was doing.

"Oops."

Instinct kicked her in the gut and she ducked. A split second later, a wave of thick, noxious purple fumes burst forth from the back of the room and swept the entire length of the dungeon in an instant. Integra crawled under the desk as the rest of the students coughed and fumbled about in confusion.

She knew him too well.

She heard Snape utter a spell. The man was sharp. The fumes cleared quickly. She peeked out.

On each student's head, where their hair once was, was a tiny Christmas tree. As she watched, the star stop each tree lit up, flashing cheerily. Walking quickly, Snape make a round through the classroom, inspecting each student with a rough hand, making sure they were not hurt. As he passed Integra, he gave her an obvious look of distain, as if she was responsible for it all.

"Deletrius," he said, waving his wand. The little Christmas trees disappeared. Unfortunately, all the students save for himself and the two vampires, were now bald as cue balls. Snape sighed. "Continue your work," he said tiredly, "and go see Madam Pomfrey after class."

The class continued. Snape sent a glare in Integra's way that said perfectly clear that he wanted her and her "partner" to stay after class. He would have done the same to Alucard, but his line of sight was blocked by several smitten boys offering to help the raven-haired "girl" with her potion.

oOo

As she expected, Snape waited for them after class. A few students were slow to make their way to the infirmary, wanting to stay after and try out their pickup lines on "Seras". Snape shoved them out of the classroom and laid his eyes on the two vampires. "You two," he said, "my office. Now."

Integra sighed and began to gather up her things. Alucard stopped her with a hand on her wrist. "Don't bother," he said softly. "You won't need it anymore." He peered into her cauldron, the contents of which had congealed into a gray jelly-like substance. "And good thing, too. I don't see you passing this class anyway."

She conveniently stepped on his foot on her way out.

They followed Snape down the hall, up several flights of stairs, and into an office every bit as dark and menacing at the dungeons. Bottles and vials of all shapes and sizes lined the shelves on the wall. Integra could have sworn some of them were winking and whispering as she walked past. Snape waved his wand. The door closed behind them.

"First things first," he said, looking at Alucard with obvious distain. "My debt is paid."

Alucard grinned. "Fair enough. I have what I need."

"I don't want you coming to me ever again."

"Will do."

Satisfied, Snape turned to Integra. "Now then, who exactly are you, and how did you fall into the company of…"-- he made a half-gesture at Alucard -"…this?"

The need to hide was over. Integra straightened and spoke in her true voice. "I am Integra Wingates Hellsing," she said. "I was once the head of England's lead vampire-hunting organization."

Snape's eyes betrayed a sliver of amazement. He was impressed. "I know of you," he said. "Though hidden in the Muggle world, Hellsing is quite well-known in the wizard community. I assume that the position has been handed down?"

"To our daughter. I am now nosferatu, like my husband."

Snape looked at her, then at Alucard, then back again. Integra started to explain further, but he raised a hand. "Never mind," he said. "Something tells me the less I know of this the better. Whatever happened to your last companion, Alucard?"

"Walter is just fine." There was a spark in his eyes as he said Walter's name. Integra wasn't sure if she imagined it.

"Fine," Snape shortly. "Now kindly get out of my office and the school."

"Not so fast."

Integra spun around at the voice. Standing at the office door, dressed in stately green witches' robes, was Minverva McGonagall. Neither Alucard nor Snape seemed particularly surprised to see her. Walking as if gliding on water, she approached them and addressed Alucard.

"You have your own debt to pay, vampire lord, or did you forget?"

Alucard's demeanor suddenly changed. Like a gentleman, he took Professor McGonagall's hand, kissed it in the utmost respect, and spoke in a grown man's voice. "Of course not, my lady. I have sworn to stand on Hogwart's side and never waver. I may be a descendant of darker arts, but my allegiance is true."

"You are aware of the present state of matters then?"

"I am."

"And you will depart tonight?"

"As soon as we are able." He gestured to Integra to come forward. "My lovely wife will be helping out, as well. Despite her poor skills in potions, she can wield a wand as well as anyone. I'm sure you know of her name."

McGonagall turned to Integra, her stern face dissolving into a kind smile. "Of course," she said, taking Integra's hand warmly. "I have not been able to speak to you thus far, but it is an honor, Miss Hellsing."

Surprised at her own fame, Integra found herself at a loss for words. "Thank you," she said in the end.

"I'm sure you are confused about what's being going on," McGonagall continued. "Your husband here contacted us not long ago, requesting a few days accommodation for you and himself. I'm sure you notice that there has been some general unrest in the wizard world, and the safest way to accommodate you both was for you to masquerade as students. Now, I do not know of the details of his arrangement with Professor Snape, but I trust that is finished, as well?"

She looked at Snape, who nodded.

"Very well. I wish I could fill you in more, but time is running short and I'm sure Lord Alucard could fill you in on the rest. And please, dear," she squeezed Integra's hand. "Do come back with him next time. This is the first of his visits that didn't involve a mass evacuation of some sort."

oOo

They left at night.

Compared to their fanfare-filled arrival, their departure was the exact opposite. Alucard insisted that they tell no one, and left all of their books and robes at the school, taking only their wands. Integra had wished to say goodbye to her new acquaintances at Gryffindor, but for the first time ever, Alucard flat-out refused. No, he told her. They had already interfered with this world enough. Things were picking up all around them, and though she could not feel them, they were drawing near.

"They're fighting a war," he said. "It will soon throw their world into an upheaval. Though I promised to help, Minverva and Severus both know that there is a limit to what I can and am allowed to do. We don't belong here."

"We cannot stay and help?" she asked.

He shook his head, almost a little sadly. "We'll return in a few years, and hopefully the ones you have grown fond of will still be alive."

Dressed in the Muggle cloth of school children, they left the castle, heading deep into the woods outside the school grounds. The forest was dark, and filled with all manners of strange creatures and flora. The school's magic extended even out here, forcing them to travel by foot. The air grew colder and more stale as they ventured further and further.

"What was the debt Snape had to repay you?"

"It's a silly, unimportant thing. I'll explain it to you later."

"What did you get from him?"

"You'll see." Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and peered into the dark forest. Something was moving in the shadows. "Think of something happy."

She blinked. "What?"

He drew his wand. She did the same, though unsure why. "Think of something happy," he repeated. "It's important. Find something happy and keep it in your head."

The air around them suddenly grew still. Whatever it was hiding in the forest drew closer. "Why?"

Alucard didn't answer. Instead, his face split into a smirk, the sort he usually wore to the battlefield. "Here they come," he said.

In an instant darkness enveloped them as a hoard of creatures swarmed them from the sky. They were vaguely human-shaped, their bodies cloaked save for grey, decaying hands. Like reapers of the dead, they came diving down. The moment they drew close Integra felt them, as if they were inside her, clawing at her heart and sucking all shreds of happiness and hope out of her soul. The wand shook in her hand. She fought to remain standing as they bore down on her.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A silver light bathed down on her. The creatures dispersed as a she-wolf pounced into their circle, placing itself between them and Integra. It was silver, ethereal, almost transparent. As it leapt at the creatures, a silver mist followed close behind, drawing bright lines in the air.

"What are you doing?" she heard Alucard shout at her as he grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her to the side. The silver wolf howled, forcing the mad creatures away. "Where's your patronus?"

"My what?"

"Cripes," Alucard muttered as the wolf began to fade. "Expecto Patronum!" The wolf shone once more, and continued its attack moving agilely in the air. "I knew I should've had you enrolled as a third-year."

Her body felt cold and stiff. Alucard pulled her close. "Listen to me closely," he said in her ear. "If you don't do this, these things are going to kill us." She looked at him in surprise. "Yes. These things can kill us. May take a little longer than humans, but we'll fall to them eventually. I can't hold my patronus very long. I need you to do this, too. Think of something happy, keep it in your head, and say expecto patronum."

The wolf held the creatures back as Integra closed her eyes. She thought of her daughter, thought of Annie back at home, thought of the day Alucard slipped that ring onto her hand and told her she would now be free forever.

"Hurry."

"Expecto Patronum!"

From the tip of her wand burst force a large shape, so bright she had to shield her eyes. The creatures let out a shriek and began to scatter.

Standing before them, nearly twice her size, was a silver hound. Raising its head, it howled to the sky, shaking the entire forest. Snarling, it leapt at the hovering creatures. As it landed, she saw that it had six glowing eyes.

The attackers fled, out of the forest, far from the school. The she-wolf persued shortly, then returned. She looked at the hellhound, nuzzled its snout, and faded into the darkness. The hound paced about for a while, then did the same. Integra dropped her wand to the ground. Alucard held her from behind and kissed her ear.

"Good job."

"What was…"

"A patronus. It's the physical manifestation of a person's joy and happiness, the only thing that works against dementors. We've driven them off the school grounds. They won't be back for a while." He looked at the silhouette of Hogwarts wistfully. "We've bought them some time. That's all we can do right now."

Her legs felt weak. She let him hold her up. "How do you do that?" she asked softly. "It felt like they were sucking everything good out of me. How did you keep yourself happy around something like that?"

He gave her a squeeze. "I have you here, don't I?"

She laughed as he pushed her down onto the forest floor. As their adult forms emerged, her mind thought faintly of asking again what exactly it was her husband had gotten from Snape, but when he slid his tongue between her breasts, it didn't seem important anymore.

oOo

As Annie got ready to retire for the evening, she happened to notice a small bottle on her nightstand. She picked it up and looked around. It didn't look like a gift from Seth, or something that belonged to Seras, Walter, or Father Alex. It was about three inches tall, with a wooden cork, and a small card attached to it.

_Annie, put this in Walter's nightcap. You won't regret it_

_Love,_

_Mom and Dad_

She had a feeling her mother didn't know about this, and that her father had signed it just for good measure. Perhaps she ought to consult her mother about it. She looked at the bottle again. It was filled with a clear green liquid.

She shrugged.

"O.K.," she said out loud, and headed to Walter's room.

oOo

Integra slept on the bed of leaves and soft moss, nude save for Alucard's red coat covering her torso. She slept soundly, peacefully, undisturbed.

In her mindscape, red and black lights flashed, bathing her curves as she danced suggestively on a raised platform, clad in a Victorian laced corset and nothing else. Her hair was streaked blood red, and she wore her glasses. She danced and grinded around the brass pole in the center of the platform.

Alucard sat in his throne and smiled to himself. Snape's formula for Dream Manipulation Tonic was working wonders.

oOo

Walter woke early in the morning.

It was going to be a good day, he could tell. His body felt extra limber, despite the fact that it was raining outside. He turned his neck, then twisted his waist to the side. His joints felt nice and smooth. He stood and rubbed his eyes. None of his bones creaked. He may not even need his cane today.

He took a step forward and nearly tripped. Looking down, he saw his pajama pants hanging over his feet. The maid must have stretched them out while doing laundry. No matter. It was about time he got new ones anyway. He headed for the bathroom, where he splashed some water on his face and reached for his comb.

Did the shelf get higher? He had to stand on tip-toes to reach his comb. Yawning, he combed his hair, brushed his teeth, spit, and looked at himself in the mirror.

A fourteen-year-old boy looked back at him.

He rubbed his eyes. The boy did the same. His sleeves were too long. He stretched and walked out of the bathroom.

He stopped, his eyes popped open as he turned around and looked into the mirror again. The boy looked back at him once more, surprise echoing his own.

He muttered some curse words not quite fitting with his age.


	19. Random Moment

AUTHOR'S NOTE: if you haven't heard Kelis's Milkshake, I recommend looking it up on youtube now or after you read.

Enjoy & Review!

RANDOM MOMENT

The karaoke bar was dimly lit and crawling with seedy people, but surprising clean with good drinks. The people were mostly regulars and some of them were quite good. Still, many eyes looked up when the striking man took to the stage and the spot light hit his tousled hair, dark as the night itself.

"This is for you, love," he purred into the microphone. Every woman in the bar, and a few men, felt a pleasurable shiver down their spine.

Then, the music played, and he began to sing. Every pair of eyes was on him, mesmerized. Young women swooned and fanned themselves. Still, his own gaze was focused on a booth in the back.

"I never really feel quite right  
I don't know why, all I know is there's something wrong  
Every time I look at you, you seem so alive

Tell me how do you do it, walk me through it  
I'm following every footstep

Baby on your own you take a conscious step  
Do you wanna give it up?

But all I want is for you to shine  
Shine down on me  
Shine on this life that's burning out

I say a lot of things sometimes that don't come out right  
And I act like I don't know why  
I guess a reaction is all I was looking for

You looked through me, you really knew me like no one has ever looked before

Baby on your own you take a cautious step  
Do you wanna give it up?

But all I want is for you to shine  
Shine down on me  
Shine on this life that's burning out

I know, I know, girl you got something

Shine  
Shine down on me  
Shine on this life that's burning out

Baby on your own you take a cautious step  
Do you wanna give it up?

But all I want is for you to shine  
Shine down on me  
Shine on this life that's burning out

Shine  
Shine down one me  
Shine on this life that's burning out."

When he finished, there was a momentary silence, followed by thunderous applause. He smiled modestly and left the stage. Several leggy young club-hoppers stood, trying to seek the best opportunity to grab his attention. But their faces fell with disappointment when they saw him slip into a small booth next to a beautiful blond.

"I help up my end of the bargain."

Integra nodded and sipped her drink. She was more than impressed and honestly, a bit aroused, but damned if she was going to let him see that. "Alright. I'll admit it wasn't a bad performance."

Alucard sneered. She hated when he had the upper hand. "You're next. I already told them the song I picked."

She sighed. "Must I?"

"Need I remind you that you were the one who proposed this little deal?"

"That was before I knew you could sing."

A pimply youth took the stage. "Alright," he said into the microphone. "Next we have… lets see here… is it Integra?"

He winked a her. "Do your best."

"You're enjoying this way too much."

"You bet I am."

She finished her drink, then took his and downed it, too. It was going to take a lot of alcohol to get through this one.

"And she will be singing… here it is, 'Milkshake' by Kelis!"


	20. Happy Birthday, Annie pt 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: let's start the party and see if I'll ever get around to finishing it.

Enjoy & Review!

CH 20 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANESSA!

"Home, sweet home." 

Integra gazed up at the looming form of the Hellsing mansion with more than a hint of nostalgia. She found it hard to believe that this place has not been her home for nearly six years now. Though her old life had its ups and downs, she decided, part of her would always think back on it fondly.

As she began to ascend the front steps, however, she suddenly realized something was missing. Turning, she saw her husband standing still a few steps behind, arms folded, a smirk on his face.

"Aren't you coming?"

Alucard's grin widened. It made her nervous, but after over a decade of partnership, another decade or so of affairs and trysts, and six years of marriage, Integra supposed nothing he did could surprise her anymore. She didn't bother to ask what he was up to.

"I'm going inside," she declared. "Annie is waiting."

He raised a hand to stop her. "Not yet," he said, "just open the door and quickly step aside."

She started to ask why, then reminded herself that it didn't matter, and did as he said.

A dozen metal wires came shooting out of the doorway, barely missing her shoulder by an inch as she dodged to avoid it. She watched with shocked eyes as they went straight for Alucard and sliced his right arm clean off at the shoulder. Before she could recover from the surprise, a small shape leapt out of the door and high into the air, lunging for Alucard, the sole of its shoe aimed straight for his face.

Alucard turned gracefully aside, rejoining his arm in the process. The figure shot past him, hit the ground, turned and recovered with inhuman speed, and came again. It was a boy, Integra saw, about fourteen or fifteen years old, slim and handsome, with hair dark as the night.

An assassin?

The boy leapt again, his wires forming a massive net around Alucard, who remained in his place, still smirking as if he found all of this amusing. The wires cut through his torso, he disengaged his body, slipped out of the wires' grasp, and reformed. The boy snarled.

"You blasted vampire!" he shouted. "You did this to me!"

Alucard laughed. "What's wrong, Angel of Death?" he asked. "I thought you'd appreciate the chance to be young again."

The boy came at him again, just as everything connected in Integra's mind. Slowly, she reached up and rubbed her temples. Three minutes at home and she already needed a smoke.

"Young is thirty-five!" The boy continued his attack relentlessly, his speed and resilience were a spectacle to the eye. "Do you hear me? Thirty-five!! Not fourteen! Do you know what it's like to go through puberty twice?! You… you…!"

His words suddenly cut off as he underestimated the length of his wires. Alucard laughed as Walter took a spectacular tumble into the ground. He stood over the boy, who was busy spitting out dirt, and offered a hand. Walter took it grudgingly and allowed himself to be pulled up.

"Did you forget you're a foot shorter?"

"Shut up." Integra cleared her throat. Suddenly noticing her, Walter snapped to attention and bowed. "Sir Hellsing," he said, "welcome home."

oOo

Walter showed them to Integra's old bedroom and informed them that Annessa was out, but will return soon. All the while, he kept his head low and would not meet Integra's eyes, no matter how hard she tried to catch his gaze. Finally, he closed the door behind them, after asking them to clean up and change from their trip before dinner was to be served. Integra turned to Alucard and crossed her arms as he sat down on the bed, whistling to himself nonchalantly.

"So," she said, "are you going to explain?"

"Does it matter if I do or not?"

"Is this your fault or not?"

He smiled. "Why must you call it a fault? I think it's an improvement. I didn't think it would work so well. Not only did the potion restore his body, but his personality, too. Perhaps you noticed that he kept his head down when he spoke to you? Do you know why?"

"Yes, do enlighten me." Integra sifted through her closet. Her old suits had been put away for storage, leaving only a few casual garments.

"He was trying not to stare at your breasts. At that age, the old butler you knew was quite the…"

"That's enough." She threw him a glare over her shoulder. "Turn him back."

"He'll turn back. In another fifty years or so."

A smoke. She really needed a smoke. Finding nothing in her closet, she turned to her suitcase and opened the latches. There was only one item of clothing inside, a violet silk dress the size of a handkerchief. She doubted she could even pull it over her hips.

"Where are the rest of my clothes?" she asked the offending party on the bed. Alucard shrugged innocently.

"They must have lost it at the airport."

"They lost everything but one piece? And left the suitcase?"

"I'm not so familiar with these modern facilities. If they've managed it, they managed it."

Every now and then Integra regretted trading in their master-servant relationship for husband and wife. However, perhaps taking a lesson from him, she had learned to keep a few tricks up her sleeve as well. As Alucard folded his hands, leaned against the headboard, and waited patiently for her to slip into the tiny garment, she straightened and began to undress.

"You think you're smart," she said.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"That's quite alright." She looked down at the dress and sighed. "I suppose I'll have to make do."

Instead of picking up the dress, she extended her arms upward and closed her eyes. Like water seeping out of a sponge, white fabric appeared over her body, forming a long sleeveless belted shift dress over her body right before Alucard's widened eyes. She opened her own eyes and winked at him.

"Shall we?"

He looked at her, at the offending dress that covered her from shoulder to calf, then at the little silk dress on the bed.

"It's our daughter's birthday party, Alucard, not a midnight cocktail. And even if it was—" she pointed at the dress on the bed "—you're not going to get me into that."

Alucard sighed in disappointment. "So," he said as he held the door open for her, "when did you learn that?"

"After you cut six inches off that expensive gown I bought in Egypt. Did you really think I wouldn't figure out it was you?" 

oOo

Walter grumbled under his breath as he set the table for the party, cursing Alucard with every derogatory thing he could think of. As an old English gentleman, he would never be caught dead saying such thing, but at fourteen, he could hardly be bothered with such things.

It was bad enough that he was short, couldn't control his temper, and had to pose as his own grandson to the household staff, but Anessa had picked up the habit of calling him a slew of sickeningly cute nicknames while leaning unnecessarily low in front of him in low-cut shirts. He remembered being fourteen. God, how he remembered being fourteen, hotheaded and unable to think straight every time Alucard pranced around in that damned fluffy white hat.

He had way too much energy, he had pimples, he was always hungry, and his face turned beet red every time Seras came running down the hall. On top of that, he actually caught himself checking out Integra. _Integra!_ His baby girl, as dear as his own flesh and blood.

Then again, he _is_ fourteen.

No. No no no. He shook his head hard. He was not fourteen. He was over ninety years old. He was a gentleman, a capable butler, not some hormone-crazed young lad.

The dining room door opened with a "BANG!". Walter cringed and cleared his throat. "Please do refrain from making such a ruckus, Miss Anessa."

Anessa grinned. She looked more like her father each day, at least when she smiled that wide, unnerving smile. "Hey, pumpkin," she cooed, "are they here yet?"

Walter nodded. "They are upstairs getting ready. Please wash up and inform Miss Seras, Master Seth, and Father Anderson. And please refrain from addressing me as any sort of vegetable."

Anessa scoffed. "Don't talk like such an old fuddy-duddy, Walter. You're young again. You should enjoy it. You know you want to."

He turned away and continued to set the table. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, Miss Anessa. I am the same old man who fed you and changed your diaper."

"Really?"

In a flash she was behind him, but he had anticipated it this time. Slapping one hand on the table, he pushed himself off the ground and leapt over the dining table, landing perfectly on the other side, not disturbing a single piece of silverware.

Anessa whistled. "Nice move, butler."

"I don't have time for games, Anessa. Now if you'll excuse me, I…"

He turned around, just as Alucard and Integra entered through the door behind him, led by Seras. Before he could stop himself, his face was already enveloped by something large and soft.

"Um… Walter…" he heard Seras stammer. Heat rose to his face faster than an erupting volcano.

"Damn it!" he shouted in frustration and pushed past them as quickly as he could, one hand covering his nose.

Alucard looked after him. "Good going, police girl," he said casually to a furiously blushing Seras, "you just gave him a nosebleed."

Anessa leapt over the table, mimicking Walter's graceful landing. She wasn't quite as good, however, and knocked over half the glasses the butler had so carefully arranged. Ignoring the shattered crystals, she embraced her mother.

"Mom, dad," she exclaimed excitedly, "welcome home!"

Integra kissed her daughter's cheek. "Good to be home, dear," she said, gazing after Walter's retreating form and hoping there was something really strong in the cellar.


	21. The last one

Dear readers,

In case you haven't heard, I'm retiring from fanfiction. Jealousy, which I consider to be my greatest work, will also be my last. I'm very grateful to everyone for sticking with me these last couple of years and hope you will wish me luck on persuing a future as a career novelist.

With that said, it seems, well, wrong to leave my most successful series unfinished. I have had Annie's birthday party planned out for a long time but cannot seem to get it done. So, I'm giving you an abbreviated version so you don't think I'm leaving you hanging. It goes something like this:

The birthday dinner ensues, with Annie, Seth, Seras, Alucard, Integra, and a very awkward Walter. Alexander Anderson had run off for the moment with Nicholas Wolfwood to do, um... orphanage stuff. Annie is becoming increasingly drunk as Alucard makes all sorts of comments that makes Seth more and more squirmy. Integra and Walter avoid eye-contact with each other since Walter can't stop ogling her. Seras, oblivious to the tension, is having a great time and not noticing that Annie is spiking her drink. She becomes drunk and loses control over her form, allowing Pip, whom Annie had never met, to emerge.

Pip: hey, cutie. About time we got to talk.  
Annie (think she's drunk and seeing things): who are you?  
Pip: Me? I'm your sister's "live-in" boyfriend. Your parents won't let me out because, for reasons unknown to me, they think I'm a bad influence.

The party starts getting a little rowdy, what with Pip there and all, and Integra excuses herself to go for a smoke. She winds up in her old office. Alucard appears and the usual raunchy banter ensues (I don't feel like writing it out. Consult any of my one-shots if you want it).

Integra: I can't believe you still paw at me like a teenager after all these years.  
Alucard: I can't believe you still can't admit you enjoy it after all these years.

Back and forth, back and forth. Eventually, Integra grows upset and says something along the lines of "fine, let's do it" and they... do. Annie, very drunk, stumbles in while they're in a very compromising position. A little later, very much sober, she sits down with her parents as they very awkwardly try to convince her that it hasn't happened before. Not believing them, she later orders Walter to have the desk burned.

And then what happens? Well, life goes on in my little Hellsing universe. Alucard and Integra go on their adventures, which at one point lands them on a ship called the Black Pearl, where Integra discovered she looked very good in pirate gear. Anessa and Seth work together to carry on Hellsing's legacy and eventually marry. Walter discovers that being a teenager in the 21st century wasn't so bad, what with the internet and everything. Anderson eventually returns with a weird-looking big cross that he carrys bayonets in. Pip harrasses Seras regularly about letting him out more, though without much success.

And that's all. Hooray for Hellsing and AxI forever!

Love,

DR


End file.
